A Chance Against Fate
by Red Ink
Summary: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? Will you do things differently? Would making different choices still take you down the same route? Sakura lost her love the first time, would she have to see it happen again? R+R ^_^
1. In The Beginning

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**In The Beginning**

  
Year 2013

The church was silent as its occupants gaze upon the bride's lovely profile and the groom's handsome mien. Theirs are two faces that are frequently seen on TV and magazine covers and all in the church that day thought that they are the most perfect couple. There were a couple of tear-filled eyes, especially from the bride and groom's family. The bride's father had just returned to the bench after giving the bride away, even now he put his arm around his wife who gave him a look filled to brim with love. He merely smiled and pulled her closer to him and together they turned their attention to the glowing couple standing in front of the church.

No one noticed the bridesmaid, a lovely woman standing beside the bride, wearing a look that utterly concealed every emotion she felt. Despite her outward coolness, inside her feelings was rioting out of control. All she could hear was her heart thundering in her ears, all she could see was her perfect cousin standing beside the man she had loved since the first moment she had set her eyes on him, looking so right together. There wasn't a moment when she didn't hate herself for coveting her cousin's boyfriend and soon-to-be husband. She knew it wasn't right, yet she couldn't help herself.

The minister spoke up then, his words piercing through the veil of denial she cloaked herself with and into her conscious.

"We are gathered here today in the sight of God and angels, and the presence of friends and loved ones, to celebrate one of life's greatest moments…" the bride and groom were oblivious to the audience, they were only aware of each other. The bridesmaid averted her eyes from the loving couple and forced tears down the back of her throat. She must not make a fool of herself at her cousin's wedding. She must not.

"… so too may this marriage be adorned by true and abiding love." The minister finished and looked up at the beaming couple and he smiled, continuing. "Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace." He waited for a second and then when no protest came, he continued with the ceremony.

The bridesmaid almost shouted for the minister to halt the ceremony. She wanted to yell to the world that she loved the groom, but she couldn't bring herself to ruin the best day of her cousin's life. She was nothing compared to her cousin. Her cousin was the charming one, the beautiful one. That was why he loved her, that was why everyone who ever met her fell in love with her.

The bridesmaid clutched the bunch of lilies in her fists tightly and stared straight ahead so she didn't have to look at the happy couple. She cried so much ever since she heard the 'wonderful' news that it was a wonder she had any tears.

"Do you promise to…" the minister was saying, but the bridesmaid wasn't aware of that; all she was aware of was the approval of the audience, the love between the bride and groom and her heart shattering. In the midst of it all, she was feeling another thing entirely.

She felt strange, like she had suddenly became a spectator instead of a participant of the action swirling around her. She closed her eyes, hoping that the feeling would go away and leave her to mope in peace, but when she closed her eyes, darkness grabbed at her and claimed her. The last thing she heard was him repeating his vows, "I d-, SAKURA!"

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: How do you like it everyone? Does it keep you in enough suspense? First chapter is kind of short, but I'm working on a longer 2nd one, so sit still! Please review and tell me what you think! Sorry if it's a little confusing, if you're not sure who's who for now, things will become clearer later on. 


	2. Back To The Past

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Back To The Past**

  
Year 2003

Syaoran woke up slow degree by slow degree. He wasn't a morning person and tended to snap at anyone who so much as look at him in the morning. In short, he wasn't great company when he hasn't had his breakfast.

Just then, the phone by his bedside rang, dragging an annoyed groan out of him. Syaoran contemplated not picking up the phone, but he couldn't stop his hand from reaching for it.

"Hello!" he barked into the phone, ready to bite the head off whoever it was over the phone.

"Where the hell are you!" a fiercer, urgent voice blasted over the cable and into Syaoran's ear. "You are supposed to be here by 6 bloody a.m.! It's already 9 now, popstar! Everyone is on the set waiting for you to show!"

Syaoran winced at how angry Taojin, his producer sounded. "But you said filming today was cancelled?"

"It was, but at the last minute, Fung wanted to retake a few scenes, I sent the fax to you last evening, didn't you get it?" Taojin sounded calmer now, less likely to kill him now.

Syaoran glanced towards his fax machine, which was buried under a ton of incoming faxes and nearly groaned again. He knew he should have checked his faxes. "No, I didn't get it," he lied smoothly. "Give me half an hour, I'll be there," he promised, hoping against hope that he could actually make it.

Over the phone, Syaoran heard Taojin gave an exasperated sigh, "Fine, just get your butt over here as soon as possible!" he cut the connection before Syaoran could say anything else.

Syaoran replaced the phone into its cradle and sighed. He just got up and already today promised to be a real lousy day. Work, work and more work, when will he be able to just kick back and enjoy a day to himself? Being an actor is tough; being an actor who every director wants a piece of is even harder.

Negligently, he pushed the covers over his naked torso, and padded into his bathroom, yawning and stretching himself, his powerful muscles rippled as he moved, just like a jungle cat – sleek, beautiful and dangerous. As he looked into the mirror hanging over the basin, he absently scratched his washboard stomach.

"I need a shave," he mumbled to himself and reached for the razor and shaving cream.

Fifteen minutes later, Syaoran exited his bathroom, shaven, brushed and bathed. As he toweled his hair dry, he picked up a pair of denim jeans and smelled it. Finding no suspicious odor, he pulled it on and then reached blindly for a shirt. For a guy who was the ultimate fantasy of most women all over Asia, he was incredibly sloppy and unkempt. If it wasn't for the housekeeper who came in once a week to clean his place, he would have been lost in the pigsty he called a home. He would have been buried under apple cores, banana skins and empty pizza boxes.

Syaoran threw his towel into the laundry basket and shoved his fingers through his still damp hair to work out the tangles. He didn't bother looking for a comb because he knew he would never be able to find it with all the junk that had collected this past week. 'Thank God Ling's coming in today to clean the house," Syaoran thought absently when he was satisfied with his hair and proceeded to dig inside the duffel bag which contained his gym stuff for the keys. A second thorough search told him that the keys weren't in the bag. Syaoran stood up and thrust his hands into his jeans pockets and immediately found what he was looking for. Smiling to himself, he tossed the keys up into the air and caught it deftly.

***

"And… cut! It's a wrap!" Fung shouted through the loudspeaker as the cameraman hit the stop button and pushed back from the camera, visibly tired. The man holding the microphone heaved a huge breath of relief; he had been holding the heavy mike for over 4 hours and his arms were screaming for relief.

Syaoran and his best friend, Eriol, slowly walked off the set, exhausted and oblivious to the action around them. Their job for now was done, but the backstage peoples' weren't. They still needed to pack up the equipments before they can rest.

Eriol threw himself into a chair and totally relaxed himself, his head lolling back and his eyes sliding shut. Syaoran followed his friend's example on the chair next to Eriol's. The two striking males sitting side by side in the same posture made a very compelling picture and every female who walked past them gave them a second appreciative glance which neither was sober enough to take note of.

"It's all your fault, Syaoran," Eriol mumbled.

"What did I do?" Syaoran protested half-heartedly, he knew it was his fault that the filming dragged till so late. He delayed everyone and wasted lots of money. He was going to get a bad reputation if the bloody bloodhounds ever hear of it. It took but one mistake to acquire a bad reputation in this business. The only way to stay out of gossip magazine was to be a saint: see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil and do no evil.

"I promised Tomoyo that I'll have dinner with her, and now, because of you, I'm going to have a exceptionally early breakfast with her." Eriol opened his eyes with an effort and turned his head towards Syaoran. "And it's all your fault, you better tell Tomoyo that. She threatened to break up with me if I keep neglecting her. What am I supposed to do?" Eriol looked at Syaoran mournfully.

Syaoran could almost pity his friend. Almost, but not quite. If Tomoyo wasn't the most beautiful girl in town, and the kindest, gentlest girl ever to be found in this country, Syaoran might have been able to dreg up some semblance of pity for his best friend. But as things were, she was and Syaoran honestly didn't feel that guilty after all.

"You know Tomoyo forgives you for anything. If you told her you killed somebody, she'll probably hide the body for you, so stop with that crap. Both of us know that she's the best thing that ever happen to you," Syaoran said grumpily, but not unkindly. "I want your girlfriend."

Eriol just smiled, "You can't have her." Gathering his strength, Eriol pushed himself upright and out of his chair. "I've got to go, have to see Tomoyo now. I'll see you when I see you," he tossed a wave at Syaoran without turning around to face him.

Syaoran knew without looking at Eriol's face that he was probably wearing a blissful smile. He sighed and sat up, wondering why the hell Eriol was so lucky. But he was so exhausted that before he could finish his thought, he fell asleep on the chair. When he woke up, he was still there in the chair, with a sore body and a neck that didn't feel like his own.

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Sorry everyone, I know, slow start… But I hope all of you will still read this story. More things, guaranteed next chapter! I mean come on, the main girl Sakura hasn't even shown up yet, right? Oh and if you're confused about the year… 2003 instead of 2013, just read on, things will clear up next chapter. The characters may seem a bit OOC, but I hope none of you mind. Keep in mind, they're around their early 20s, so it shouldn't be a surprise they don't act like they're 10. Hehe, and please remember to review! By the way, it's my birthday today so I've got to go out soon. But if I'm in a good mood, and see a new review or two before I leave for dinner (eating out) I'll update the next chapter. ^_^ 


	3. Still

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Still**

  
Year 2013

Tomoyo gripped her almost husband's hand tightly as she gazed into the pale face of her cousin. Sakura looked so fragile and pale lying there motionless with the oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth. Tomoyo turned eyes brimming with tears to Syaoran, "She can't die Syaoran, not today, not on our wedding day, not anytime soon. Why did this happen, why did this happen to her?"

Syaoran's heart nearly broke at his bride's tragic expression. He put his hand behind her head and pulled her face into the crook of his shoulder. He felt her arms closed about his waist and her tears soaking up his tux jacket. He stroked her head in smooth, long moves, comforting her as best as he knew how. He knew Tomoyo and Sakura were very close and to have Sakura collapsed in front of their eyes was a shock to her. The way Sakura just fainted for no reason at all was strange. Sakura was a healthy person, and she was a doctor for God's sake! She would know that she was sick. A thought struck Syaoran as he looked at Sakura, maybe she did know she was sick, only that she didn't tell anyone because Tomoyo was counting on Sakura to be her bridesmaid. Knowing Sakura, she probably kept her sickness to herself because she couldn't bear to disappoint her.

The heart-monitoring machine that had been beeping steadily suddenly started beeping twice as fast. Syaoran's hands reached out unconsciously towards Sakura's hand and wrapped tightly around hers as if his hand holding on to hers would stop her from dying.

"Sakura!" He said urgently, and the raw edge of fear in his voice made Tomoyo quickly lifted her head from Syaoran's shoulder to turn to her cousin. Tomoyo was just in time to see the line on the screen of the heart-monitoring machine turned into a flat line and hear the machine emitting a steady hum.

"No!" Tomoyo jerked out of Syaoran's embrace and hurled herself at her cousin's lifeless body. "Wake up! Wake up Sakura!" She screamed as she shook Sakura. "You can't, Sakura! Wake up!" Tears ran unchecked down her lovely face and dripped onto Sakura's face. "Wake up… Sakura… Please…" Tomoyo dropped her head onto Sakura's shoulder and hugged her tightly. Syaoran stood stiffly by and watched his bride and her cousin stoically. After a while, Syaoran looked down. He realized that he was holding Sakura's cooling hand in his. He stared hard at their intertwined hands and felt tears pricking the back of his eyeballs.

***

Year 2003

"You mean you haven't had a boyfriend before? As in, NEVER before?" Junlai's voice steadily increased in volume towards the end of her question, attracting the attention of everyone who was in the cafeteria. Sakura glared at her friend as she flushed bright red at the attention and tried to slouch down in the chair to hide herself.

Sakura can still remember the day where Tomoyo received that offer for a blooming modeling career. It would have been great if Tomoyo was not forced to move to Hong Kong to pursue it. Inseparable as they were, Sakura sacrificed everything she had in Japan to join her cousin. Unfortunately, to be a model Tomoyo needed to give up school and settle for home schooling, abandoning Sakura in her new surrounding. This made Sakura appreciate the few friends she had made, here in Hong Kong, even more. Though at times, they just didn't understand her, but then again, her friends in Japan were no better.

"Why don't you use a loudspeaker? It would been more effective in helping you distribute that piece of gossip," Sakura hissed angrily at Junlai. Junlai smiled sheepishly back at Sakura, "Sorry, I was just so shocked. I mean, you're 17 years old for crying out loud! And you've never had a boyfriend before? Never liked any boy before? Never had any crush before? That's just… just…"

"Unbelievable?" Sakura added helpfully when Junlai seemed to have trouble coming up with an adjective.

"Abnormal!" Junlai corrected loudly, then looked around, found some people still staring at them in cafeteria, and looked at Sakura helplessly. "Sorry, but you have to admit that you are abnormal. Other girls your age must have gone through a dozen crushes by now, and you? You've never even liked a guy before. You must have a screw loose in your head."

Sakura sighed, Junlai didn't understand at all. It wasn't that she was abnormal; it was just that she hadn't met anyone worth the trouble falling in love with yet. Not in Japan, not in Hong Kong. She was starting to believe that she would never meet that special someone who would make her heart flutter, her stomach queasy and her mind explode in fireworks. She wanted someone who would love her as much as she loved him. She wanted someone who wanted no one but her. She wanted the kind of love that every woman raved about, that every romance novel wrote about, that every poet expounded on.

"No chemical reaction," Sakura told Junlai with a small shrug. "I haven't met anyone who match my ideals, so why bother?"

"Well, you can lower you expectations. It wouldn't kill you to go out on one date with a cute guy." Junlai's gaze focused on someone over Sakura's shoulder and her expression turned dreamy. "Like Hufei."

Sakura narrowed her eyes suspiciously on her friend who was obviously dazzled by Hufei and slowly turned around… to find Hufei making a beeline for their table. Sakura turned back to face Junlai hastily. She found her friend's attention on her now and Junlai was smirking at her. "Any chemical reaction with him?" Junlai asked.

"Yes," Sakura snapped, standing up and getting ready to walk away from Junlai and the approaching Hufei, "an overwhelming desire to get away from the both of you."

"Sakura!" Junlai called out at the same time Hufei called out. Sakura turned around not because both of them were calling her, but because she heard a third voice calling out to her and that voice made her heart skipped a beat. It was a male voice, heavily accented and it made her turn around to see who possessed it.

Her world turned black as she turned around, the last thing she heard was that accented voice calling her name again.

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Can you guys guess what would happen next? Anyways, please tell me what you think and REVIEW because this way I'll update faster. Your comments motivate me! Well... Toodles for now *wink*. 


	4. Lost And Found

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Lost And Found**

  
Year 2003

"Wedding, I have to be at… the wedd-" Sakura's eyes popped open and she found herself looking into two worried faces staring with a mix of curiosity and anxiety at her. Sakura frowned as she looked at the two people in front of her and bolted upright, "Where am I? Are they," she swallowed hard, "are they married yet?" She really didn't want to know the answer to that, but she had to know.

Junlai's look of anxiety became one of alarm and she put her hand on Sakura's shoulder to try to get her to lie down. "You're sick, Sakura and you're babbling nonsense. No one's getting married, at least, not when they are 17 and still in school. Rest and don't talk, Sakura."

Sakura shrugged Junlai's hand off her shoulder and swung her legs off the side of the bed. Belatedly, she realized that she wasn't wearing her bridesmaid gown, but her high school uniform. She turned to Hufei, "What is she talking about Hufei? What '17'? What 'in school'? Where's my cousin?" Sakura couldn't bring herself to ask about Syaoran. She knew that Tomoyo would be with her new husband, where else would she be? 

Hufei blanched; he was starting to think that Sakura's gone nuts. "You blacked out just now in the cafeteria, we," Hufei hesitated, shooting Junlai a confused look, "Junlai and I took you here. I don't know where your cousin is, Sakura… are you feeling all right?" 

Sakura tried to stand up, but a wave of dizziness caught her and she decided she was better off sitting and quickly sat back down on the bed. "What are the both of you talking about? We were at the wedding just now, remember? Syaoran and Tomoyo were exchanging vows and then I fainted…" Sakura's voice trailed off as she took in Junlai and Hufei's pitying look. They had this look on their faces that said, 'Look at her, she's obviously gone crazy.' "I'm not crazy!" Sakura told them vehemently. "Don't look at me like you think I am!" 

Junlai leaned down and grasped Sakura's shoulder, "Calm down, Sakura, no one's saying that you're nuts. You're just disorientated. We're in school, not at a wedding. I think that Tomoyo is probably at work or modeling somewhere, not getting ready to marry some guy named Syaoran. If your cousin's going to marry anyone at all, I think it would be Eriol. Get a grip of yourself, Sakura." 

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. Tomoyo is working? But just the last thing she remembered was standing at the altar, feeling an unbearable pain, watching the man she loved most about to marry her own cousin. "How long have I been out?" Sakura asked almost inaudibly. 

There was a slight pause before Sakura heard Hufei reply her, "Fifteen minutes." 

Only fifteen minutes? She's been unconscious for fifteen minutes and when she wakes up, she suddenly finds herself in twilight zone? She can't deal with this, and was greatly prepared to just faint. But somewhere inside her, a small, reasonable voice quipped up, "Look on the bright side, at least you don't have to face the reality of Tomoyo marrying Syaoran." After a prolonged silence when she weighed her options, Sakura finally said, "I want to go home." It was obvious that she couldn't stay here. She didn't know where she was; she didn't know why she was here and how she got here. What she knew was that she still had a cousin named Tomoyo. Hopefully, she still has a place to live as well. 

Sakura opened her eyes and look intently at Junlai, "I need to get home!" 

"Okay, okay, calm down Sakura," Junlai sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder to reassure her. Junlai looked helplessly at Hufei and Hufei sprang to life. 

"I'll um… I'll go get your stuff at the cafeteria, I'll met you guys at the parking lot and I'll drive you home," he faltered for a little while, studying Sakura's pale face, trying to determine whether she was all right before taking himself off. 

"Don't worry, Sakura, Hufei and I will get you home as soon as possible," Junlai promised Sakura. Sakura nodded, because she knew that wherever Junlai and Hufei took her, it would be home, not her real home, but nonetheless, a place to stay. She was still at a strange place where she couldn't trust anyone. 

"Oh God... Why is this happening?" Sakura bemoaned silently. "What did I do to deserve this?" Faintly, whether it was her own imagination or not, Sakura couldn't tell, but she heard a voice in her head saying, "One more chance…" 

***

Year 2013 

The wedding was never finished. What was supposed to be a happy occasion became a sad one when Sakura died of cardiac arrest. Her death was a shock to everyone, mostly because she was such a vital person, so full of life and energy. Even though she was born with a hole in her heart and couldn't do really serious exercise, she didn't let that slow her down. She swam, she jogged, and she even danced, nothing seemed to be able to get her down. She worked long hours at the hospital, tending her patients and she didn't get sick. All of a sudden, out of the blue, she just upped and died. It made no sense. 

The day of her burial dawned gray and gloomy. It seemed as if the sun was refusing to come out because a bright and good part of life winked out when Sakura died and the sun was refusing to rise to protest the unfairness of it all. At least, that was what Syaoran felt. He never really thought about it, but now that Sakura was gone, he suddenly realized how important she was to him. 

He never really noticed how she always seemed to be able to read his mind and make him laugh no matter how unhappy and angry he was. Sakura always knew what to say to him, always supportive and most importantly, always there for him. Whenever he needed her, she would be there for him, especially after the debacle with Eriol, she became an important milestone in his life. Why is it that people never realized what they have until it was gone? 

Syaoran would have given an arm if he thought it would revive Sakura. 

Sighing, he stood up from the chair he had been sitting in for the night. He stared down at the sleeping figure on the bed to reassure himself she was sleeping peacefully before he went out the room and into the study. 

Tomoyo and he were in Sakura's penthouse because in the middle of the night, Tomoyo had arrived on his doorstep, eyes swollen, with more tears running down her face, and insisted that Syaoran went with her to Sakura's house. Tomoyo had wanted to be close to her cousin. So Syaoran was left with no choice but to come here with her. He hadn't been able to sleep anyway, all he could do ever since Sakura died, was stare into space and brood. 

The study was dark because the skies were a turbulent gray with the sun sulking elsewhere and refusing to rise. Syaoran didn't bother to flip on the light because he knew his way well about this place. He often came here with Tomoyo or alone to talk to Sakura. Sakura had this calming effect on him and he felt relaxed around her, like he could be himself and there was no need to wear a mask constantly. 

Syaoran moved around the room slowly, touching a paperweight, stroking the rosewood tabletop. When he sat before Sakura's table and in her chair, he could feel her essence and mild fragrance swirling about him. Syaoran closed his eyes and leaned back into the chair, feeling the bittersweet memories claim him. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Yay, things are starting to make sense! Tell me what you think, everyone, and I appreaciated every single comment. Please keep reviewing, the more the better and the faster the next chapter will go up! 


	5. Who Wouldn't Be Surprised?

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Who Wouldn't Be Surprised?**

  
Year 2013 

Syaoran quickly opened his eyes when the door to the study creaked open. 

An angelic face peeked in, "Oh, you're here," Tomoyo looked at him. Syaoran studied his fiancée's wane face and found the dark smudges under her lovely eyes disturbing. He hadn't paid much attention to her lately, all he could think about was himself and how lost he was without Sakura in his life. It wasn't right. He should take better care of Tomoyo, she was alive and she needed him now; he couldn't be so selfish. 

Tomoyo walked further into the room, but her attention was no longer on Syaoran but on the room. She was looking around with a tragic expression on her face. Tomoyo walked to the middle of the room and stopped. She looked towards Syaoran, who found himself suddenly unable to move towards Tomoyo.

"She had a gift, Syaoran, a very special gift." Tomoyo said softly. "She had the gift to make everyone she dealt with feel loved, wanted. She wasn't an ordinary person." Tomoyo broke down. She slid to her knees and buried her face in her hands, great sobs racking her fragile frame. 

Syaoran jumped up in alarm, his own tears choking him, and accidentally knocked into the table, making something that was secured to the bottom of the tabletop fall to the floor, face up. Syaoran bent down and retrieved it, and unintentionally read the first few lines on the open pages of the book. 

'I still remember the first time I met him; I don't think I'll ever forget. He was the most special person I'd ever met. He looked alright, but that's beside the fact. It was his wonderful smile that can turn my world upside down. When he smiled at me, I wanted to smile back at him and make him as happy as he made me. And his voice, it was so rich and velvety, like dark chocolate. I think this is it. I think that Syaoran makes my mind explode…' 

Syaoran slammed the leather-bound book shut, his mind blank and feeling dazed, like he was in a bad horror movie. Reacting entirely on autopilot, he hid the book under the cabinet and hurried to Tomoyo, trying to push her words out of his mind. 

As Syaoran pulled Tomoyo, who was curled into a ball on the floor into his arms, Sakura's words flashed through his mind again, 'I think Syaoran makes my mind explode.' 

Shuddering, with an emotion he didn't want to face as yet, he hugged Tomoyo tighter. 

***

Year 2003 

"Okay, this isn't too bad, at least, I'm still staying at Tomoyo's house, in Hong Kong" Sakura thought to herself, going up the winding stairs and then turning right and walking to the last room of the hallway. Somehow, she has convinced Junlai and Hufei that she could see herself into the house and into her room. She promised them that she would go straight to bed and sleep. If she woke up later and she still wasn't feeling well, Sakura was supposed to call Junlai. 

Junlai also made Sakura promised she wouldn't talk to anyone about any wedding between Tomoyo and Syaoran, Junlai was sure that Tomoyo would be upset, so Sakura had promised. 

Sakura opened the door and found herself staring into her old bedroom, green and beige in color, with not much frills and not too feminine. The room contained a queen-sized bed, a bookshelf, a small study table that housed her laptop, a dressing table and a closet was in another corner of the room. It was simple, comfortable and functional, just the way Sakura liked it. 

Sakura let her bag slid to the floor and went to the bookshelf, her finger running past the spines of nearly hundreds of books lined neatly there. Sakura let her finger randomly rest on one of the books and pulled it out. She closed her eyes and brought the book to her nose, inhaling the slight musky smell of it. 

She remained there for some time until she suddenly remembered something that made her replace the book and head for dressing table. She reached behind the dressing table and groped around behind it, looking for something. 

A few minutes later, she emerged triumphant, a thick leather-bound book in her hand. Eagerly, she flipped open the pages to her latest entry. When Sakura saw the date of her latest diary entry, she sat down on the floor, hard. She was so stunned that her legs wouldn't support her. 

The entry date was 5th February 2003.

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Two chapters in a day? Wow! Well yes, it's a short chapter though, because I'm a little upset. I didn't get any reviews last chapter so I'm a little disappointed. Anyhow, if you want a longer chapter, please review and you may get one...*wink* 


	6. Reflections

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Reflections**

  
Year 2003 

_'Hufei asked me out today and I rejected him. Junlai thinks I'm too choosy about guys and the truth is, I am. Why shouldn't I be? Why should I force myself to settle for the second best when I deserve the best? I'm not saying this because I am an arrogant, brat; I'm saying this as a woman. Is it wrong to want to be able to love someone as much as possible? Is it wrong to want to find your soulmate? That is just what I want to do, find my soulmate, but it's easier said than done. I'm convinced that I'll never find him, just as I'm convinced that Hufei isn't the one. I'm sorry I had to hurt him, but he'll get over it. Hufei's a optimistic person and he'll bounce back pretty-'_

The words on the page suddenly started fading away, becoming lighter and lighter before Sakura's shocked eyes. It was as if there was a huge eraser applied to the diary, blotting out all the words Sakura recognized as hers. It was her handwriting, her own thoughts, she should know because she wrote those words herself ten years ago. 

But everything was changing because- because- hell! She didn't even know why this was happening? She didn't know what she was doing 10 years back in time, when she was supposed to be at her cousin and Syaoran's wedding. And if she occupies this body 10 years back into the past, what was her other body doing back home? 

Would she still be alive back then? 

"Why is this happening to me?" Sakura let the book slid between her fingers and onto the floor, her eyes staring blankly at it as the book fell onto the floor with a thump and flopped close. 

***

"No!" Syaoran shouted obstinately from the bathroom he'd locked himself into. "I said I'm not going and that's final! I never asked you to open your big fat mouth to Tomoyo about me being 'a poor, lonely man who hungers for love!'" 

Eriol stared at the plain brown door and grinned at his friend's outraged tone. "I didn't exactly put it that way… at least, not in that context. I just told her than you think you need to widen your social circle and she casually mentioned her cousin needed to do that too. And so we thought that since the both of you needed to broaden your horizons, why not start with each other? I mean, come on! Sakura is a great person with a terrific sense of humor! I'm not asking you to marry her or anything, you're just friends!" Eriol cajoled, leaning against the whitewashed wall, knowing that this would be a long, drawn-out face-off. 

Inside, Syoaran was sitting in the bathtub, staring daggers at the door, with his long legs stretched out in front of him. "But I never asked you to fix me up on a blind date with a girl whom I bet that you haven't even seen before and who, with my luck is probably as good looking as an ape! I prefer to do things at my own pace, thank you very much. And anyway, you never even told me you were setting me up until the last minute when you knew that I would have to give in. that's pure coercion and I refuse to buy into that." Syaoran told Eriol stubbornly. He silently vowed to himself that he would never give in to this manipulator no matter what trick he tries. Eriol was not going to win this time! No bloody way! 

"Fine, don't come with us. This is Tomoyo's cousin we're talking about and if you stand Sakura up, let's see what you're going to tell Tomoyo. She's going to think you're a bastard and a coward. If that's what you want her to think, then fine. Hide out in the toilet till I'm gone." 

"Ha! I can just tell Tomoyo that I'm not feeling well, she'll understand," Syaoran said with confidence he didn't feel, but he sat up straighter in the tub, wondering if Tomoyo would believe his story. He gulped. Probably not, he had dug himself into a deep trench now. How to surrender to Eriol without bruising his pride? 

"Syaoran?" Tomoyo's melodious voice tinged with humor drifted into the bathroom, startling Syaoran. "Come out of there, you don't have to hide." Tomoyo sounded suspiciously on the verge of laughter. Syaoran could feel his face getting hot as he reviewed his situation. He was hiding out in the toilet like an petulant 5 year old who didn't get his way and was pouting while Eriol and Tomoyo was outside, trying their best to coax him into coming out of there. 

Syaoran groaned as his face caught fire and he buried his face into his hands to hide his flaming red countenance. How on earth did he manage to get himself into this kind of situations? 

Eriol knocked on the door and suppressed a laugh, "I promise not to tell the press that you, the great Li Syaoran, locked himself in the bathroom to get out of a blind date if you come out now. Come on, it's not getting earlier you know." 

Syaoran raised his head from his hands and glared at the door. If Eriol thought that he was going to go slinking out of the bathroom, with his tail between his legs, he was bloody damn wrong! Standing up decisively, Syaoran made his way to the door of the bathroom and yanked it open, revealing, a gorgeous, smiling Tomoyo and a equally amused Eriol. 

"Well, what are you staring at? Let's get on with the date! I don't all day you know!" Syaoran blustered as he pushed past Eriol and Tomoyo to get his denim jacket, trying not to notice how great Tomoyo looked. 

"Keep you eyes to yourself, buster," he silently warned himself, "she's not available and Eriol's your friend. You don't want to do anything you'll regret later." Syaoran sighed quietly and turned back to the couple who was now absorbed with each other. Syaoran felt a strange jab in his stomach as he saw the way Tomoyo was smiling up at Eriol. Somehow, he hurts to know that she'll never smile at him in that same way. 

"Are you gonna try to make love with your eyes all day or are we gonna get this show on the road? The earlier we start, the earlier I can go kill myself when all this is over," Eriol and Tomoyo ignored Syaoran, and hand in hand, led the way to their car. 

Syaoran stood watching them for a moment, an odd melancholy claiming him briefly, before he shook himself and followed Eriol and Tomoyo wordlessly. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Oh wow, Syaoran's going on a blind date with Sakura. Their first meeting, at least for Syaoran. Remember, this is not the past Sakura anymore, it's the one from the future, so things should go differently...right? Oooh, it's something for you all to think about! Anyways, thanks for all who review. Please keep on commenting, alright? Yes, I need to write longer chapters, I know. But I'm very busy, I don't have time, very sorry... Hmm, I was wondering if my story is confusing. If so, I'll provide a little summary thingy, explaining everything. Tell me if that's a good idea. Er, and read my other story, that would be nice, hehe, shameless self-promotion. If you've read it, I'll update it soon. Well, until next chapter...Bye! 


	7. A Chance For Everyone

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**A Chance For Everyone**

  
Year 2013 

It was only later that night that Syaoran had a chance to sit down and think about what Sakura had written in her diary. He hadn't meant to invade her privacy, but once he read the first entry, he just couldn't stop until he completed the entire volume. What he had concluded was that the leather bound book was just one in a whole series. The second thing he had concluded was that Sakura was a highly emotional person who perfected the art of hiding her emotions. The third thing he realized was that she never did anything halfway, she gave everything her all and when it came to love, it was no different. She had fallen in love with her entire heart and soul. 

She was in love with him till the day she'd pass away. 

Syaoran honestly didn't know how he felt about that, just like he didn't know her all that much at all. He thought he knew her well, but he was proven wrong after reading her entries. She was a vivid person who never let go of any chance life offered her and he had failed to see that. How could he be so blind? 

She loved him. How could she love him and still stand at the altar, watching him exchanged vows with Tomoyo? If it were him, he would just kidnap the bride! He still remembered the wedding day, how beautiful Tomoyo looked; she was like an angel, impossibly gorgeous and Syaoran remembered wondering if all this could be true. Was this beautiful creature really going to be his wife? He hadn't really looked at Sakura that day, all he remembered of the last day he saw her was that she looked pale and uncomfortable. He asked her if she was all right and her answer to him was a weak smile and reassurance that she was feeling fine as could be. Syaoran didn't believe her, but then, Tomoyo had appeared in the line of his vision and he was distracted. By the time he turned back to Sakura, she was gone and he had forgotten what it was he wanted to ask her. 

Syaoran couldn't imagine the pains Sakura had gone through. How was it like to watch the man you loved with your entire life being with you own cousin? How was it like to be treated like a pawn by the man you love? Syaoran closed his eyes in anguish. That was precisely how he had treated Sakura. She had loved him and yet he had only gone to her when he needed her help with Tomoyo. He never really asked anything about Sakura herself; all he talked to her about was Tomoyo. He knew everything about Tomoyo, but what did he know about Sakura? 

What was her favorite color? Food? Did she ever date? He didn't know the answers to all these questions. Now, he won't ever have a chance to ask her himself. 

He wasn't sure whether he wanted to be loved by Sakura. Mainly because of Tomoyo, because Sakura was already dead and what was the use of pondering that question? Sakura's not coming back – period – and all this reminiscing was bringing back memories better left alone. It was also making him remember times he spent with Sakura that, for some particular reason, he never told Tomoyo. He didn't know why he didn't want Tomoyo to know of his bond with Sakura, but he very unconsciously hid it. He never realized it until now and it was making him uncomfortable. 

_- flashback -_

Sakura, all of twenty-three, sat on Syaoran's bed, with her legs tucked under her and her chin propped up on her hands. She stared hard at Syaoran who was fiddling with the guitar. She winced occasionally at the bad music he managed to produced from it, but when Syaoran grimaced at the guitar like it was a torture equipment rather than a musical equipment, Sakura would call his name and flash him a thumbs- up, coaxing a smile out of his stern mien. 

_- end flashback -_

Sakura was always there silently supporting him, rehashing about him when he was ready to give up and all that time, Syaoran never once noticed how important she was to him. He never once told her how much he appreciated her tolerating his bad temper, his unreasonableness and his stupidity in some matters – the more important matters to be more specific. 

"Would I have seen her more clearly if Tomoyo wasn't in the picture?" Syaoran suddenly found himself asking this question, to which he had absolutely no answer. He was also afraid of answering this question, because then he would have to question the way he lived his last ten years of life. And what if he found that he had indeed lived it wrongly and blindly? He had no bloody way of changing the past and even if he did want to make it up to anyone, Sakura was no longer alive. 

Once someone told him that if he had made his decision about someone, he should stick with it and never question his decision. Because so what if he got answers to his questions? Questions always led to more question because you can never get the answer you're satisfied with. 

He was in love with Tomoyo, he told himself angrily, he was just guilty about Sakura, which was why he was thinking so much about her these days. "Yes, that's it," he decided. At least it better be, because if there were more to their relationship than that, Syaoran's life would completely disintegrate. 

***

Year 2003 

Tomoyo stared dismally at her cousin who was sprawled on the bed, a book clutched to her chest, fast asleep. Asleep! Why the hell was she asleep? This morning before she'd gone out, she's told Sakura to get ready and even though all Sakura had given her was a non-committed smile, she had thought that Sakura would be ready and waiting. She never, in a thousand years expected to find her asleep in bed. 

Tomoyo stalked over to Sakura and climbed onto her bed. She grasped Sakura's shoulder between her hands and started shaking her out of her sleep. 

"Wake up, Sakura! Wake up! They're here!" Tomoyo was saying as she roused Sakura out of a dreamless sleep. 

"What-" Sakura's eyes flew open as her entire world started shaking. She thought it was an earthquake until she saw Tomoyo. "Stop it! I'm awake now!" Tomoyo released her and Sakura fell back into the bed. She stared up at her cousin, who was getting married to the man they both loved the last time Sakura saw her and felt anger welling up inside her. Tomoyo was prettier than her, smarter, more charming than she was. Tomoyo always succeeded at what she did and everybody loved her. What did Sakura have? The only thing she ever wanted belonged to Tomoyo! 

"What was that for?" she snapped at Tomoyo and immediately regretted her tone when a look of surprised hurt showed on her cousin's face. Sakura softened her tone, "I'm sorry, Tomoyo. I didn't mean it, you know I'm always crabby with I just woke up." Sakura offered a smile as a peace offering, which Tomyo returned to her relief. 

"Never mind," Tomoyo playfully hit Sakura on the butt, and stood up grinning widely at her. "You aren't ready for your big date are you? Well, just 10 minutes for you to prepare, you never doll yourself up anyway." Tomoyo frowned at that. "You should you know. You're very pretty and all like this, but you've got so much more poten-" 

"What date?" Sakura cut Tomoyo off in mid-sentence. "I don't know what you're talking-" Realization struck her. Sakura paled and her eyes grew wide. "Syaoran? Syaoran's … here? Now?" Nothing was going well ever since she got transported here, to this time. 

Tomoyo looked closely at Sakura. She was behaving weirdly, "Are you all right, Sakura? I just told you that this morning." Tomoyo reached to put her hand on Sakura's forehead, "Are you coming down with something? No, you feel fine to me." Tomoyo studied Sakura suspiciously, "You're not high on anything are you?" 

Absurdly, Jo felt like laughing, but she only said, "No," dutifully. Tomoyo looked relieved, "So is 10 minutes enough or you're going down like that? You're such a slop," she pronounced, glancing down at Jo's wrinkled clothes. 

At that precise moment, an idea struck Sakura. What if she was brought back here for a reason? What if she was given a second chance so that she could be with Syaoran. What if the past 10 years was a mistake and she was sent back in time to correct that mistake? It was a distinct possibility. "What if that wasn't it at all? You'll screw up everyone's life here!" A small voice inside Sakura quipped, but she squashed it immediately. It was one last chance to see if she could make Syaoran notice her as a woman and she wasn't going to let go no matter what. 

Determinedly, she turned to Tomoyo who was already walking out the room. "Tomoyo!" Sakura called loudly. Tomoyo turned and raised and eyebrow questioningly. Sakura breathed in deeply and took the biggest risk of her life. Everything was precipitating on this, "Give me a makeover now. Please?" 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: A lot of realization here... So what do you all think? More review please... I'm not being very forceful right now, but I'm feeling a little discouraged. If you're reading this but haven't reviewed, please make me happy by doing so! Though I'm complaining, I'm very thankful for those who did review ^_^ Love ya! 


	8. Changing HisHer Story

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Changing His/Her Story**

  
Year 2003

"What are they doing up they? It's been more than half an hour already! Did Tomoyo accidentally murder Sakura and is now getting rid of her body?" Syaoran complained, irritation and wry humor evident in his voice. Eriol paid his pacing friend no attention; he was used to waiting around for Tomoyo to get ready. 

"Relax, Syaoran," he advised as he channel-surfed, "I think you better sit down. You have a long awaiting time ahead of you, waiting for our female counterparts to get ready is worse than waiting to see the doctor, trust me on that." Syaoran blanched at Eriol's nonchalant tone. 

"Tell me you're joking." 

Eriol turned away from the television set, towards Syaoran. He slung his arm over the back of the sofa and looked seriously at him, "Do I look like I am?" 

"Urg," Syaoran clapped his hand over his forehead, "Is it so difficult for them to just throw on whatever's clean and come down?" 

"They could just throw on whatever's clean, but then the effect won't be as good as when they take time to dress up for you. And the fact that they bothered to dress up for you means a lot." 

At that precise moment, a movement at the top of the steps caught his eyes. 

A pair of stiletto feet came into view, a pair of slim legs encased in a pair of tight black pants. When a slender torso came into view, covered by a red camisole top, the wait Syaoran had to endure all seemed worth-it. On the vision's neck was a simple silver necklace set with blood-red ruby. When Syaoran saw the female's face, he promptly choked from staring at the stunning female coming down the stairs. 

Her bambi-like eyes dominated her face and finely wrought eyebrows arched delicately over those lovely eyes. She had a small, pert nose and kissable lips. Dazedly, Syaoran realized that the female coming towards him, had a fuller lower lip, which gave her a very sexy look. "You are crazy," he thought to himself, "this is Tomoyo's cousin you're talking about, what are you thinking?" He mentally shook himself, but couldn't stop himself from starring. 

"Close your gaping jaw, you're drooling all over their carpet. If you don't stop it soon, you'll drown all of us." Eriol's amused and slightly surprised voice came from beside Syaoran's ears. Syaoran closed his hanging jaw, but didn't bother looking at Eriol or admonishing him for making fun of him. He even forgot the fierce fight he put up prior to coming here and seeing this ethereal creature. 

Sakura didn't dare to look at either Eriol or Syaoran. All she could do was concentrate on walking down the stairs and not tripping and tumbling down them. She wasn't used to wearing heels and she kept feeling like she was going to fall down at anymore. It was a thoroughly awkward situation. She wanted to turn and look at Syaoran to see how he was reacting to this first glimpse of her; she still remembered what happened in the other life on their first meeting. She defiantly wore her rattiest shirt and oldest pair of jeans. She didn't to wash her hair; instead, she'd just pulled it into a messy ponytail. She also deliberately wore no makeup and she was so satisfied with her creativity until she bounded down the stairs and saw Syaoran. The expression of surprise on his face made her feel embarrassed. 

That was before she took in his immaculate blue shirt and jeans, his naturally wavy hair neatly combed and his friendly smile. After he had shook her hand and politely ignored the way she was dressed, he had treated her like a sister, a friend he'd known for some time. He had made her feel comfortable around him, he made her relaxed and made her laugh. He even made Sakura forget about her embarrassment. And that night, when the four of them came back, Sakura had known the exact moment, she had fallen in love with Syaoran's chivalry. It was when he first gave her his open, candid smile and treated her respectfully despite her obvious snub at him. But that same night, Sakura had also realized that he saw her only as a sister, a younger girl to dote upon, to play with, and to spoil, whereas Tomoyo had his devotions and heart. 

Sakura saw all that in one night. 

And now, she was afraid that the night was going to come back and haunt her. 

Sakura had reached her destination and Syaoran was just a few feet in front of her. Sakura stared wordlessly at Syaoran's black loafers and inexplicably found that it wasn't as clean as she thought they were. "Look up and smile, Sakura. You look lovely, there's nothing to be nervous about," Tomoyo whispered softly into her ear and Sakura turned her head slightly towards her cousin, who gave her a reassuring smile. Taking a deep breath, she angled her head towards Syaoran. 

A deep satisfaction and furious blush flooded her. Syaoran was openly admiring her; his brown eyes were taking a leisurely stroll from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. He smiled when he finished his tour and met her eyes again. He held the smoldering look for a long time, wordlessly seducing her with his eyes. It was only when Eriol gave a subtle cough that Syaoran moved slowly forward and without breaking eye contact, offered his hand to Sakura. 

"I'm Syaoran, pleased to meet you," his voice was warm and deep, like rich, dark chocolate, his eyes continued to weave it spell over Sakura. 

Sakura suddenly felt like laughing and throwing her arms around her cousin. It was her who made everything worked. Tomoyo was the fairy Godmother who waved her magic wand and made Sakura feel like Cinderella did when she went to the ball and fell in love with the prince. Sakura felt like dancing and shouting to the world that she had managed to change the way one of the most important events of her life turned out. She can do it! She can make Syaoran fall in love with her and then Tomoyo would stay with Eriol and everyone would be happy! That wasn't so bad was it? 

Fixing a mysterious smile on her face, Sakura slipped her small hand into Syaoran's bigger one and felt its warmth engulfed her hand. It was a delicious feeling, like a live wire was suddenly touched to her spine, making her experience things she never did before. "Sakura," Sakura said as calmly as she could. 

Syaoran held onto her hand for a long time, looking at her thoughtfully. Then, he said gravely and gave her a bold grin that made Sakura laugh back at him. 

"Well," Tomoyo cleared her throat, "I think we should go now, we've wasted enough time here," she was looking at Syaoran and Sakura's still clasped hand. Sakura saw the direction her cousin's gaze was directed and she hastily released Syaoran's hand. Syaoran gave her a mournful expression at the loss of her touch that made Sakura laughed before he proffered his arm to her and giving Tomoyo an exaggerated wink. 

As Sakura slipped her arm through Syaoran's, she felt a lightness she didn't feel ever since... Actually, she couldn't remember when she had felt this light and carefree before. Turning to Syaoran, she saw that once again, he was admiring her and an unexpected sweetness exploded inside her. 

"God, don't let this be a dream," Sakura thought as she returned Syaoran's appraisal, "not a dream, please, not a dream."

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Urg, I haven't updated for awhile, but I have my reasons. First I started off 2 new stories and secondly I didn't get any reviews for last chapter. *sigh* Am I doing a bad job? I'm a little discouraged right now but oh welps... Please review this chapter everyone. 


	9. The Beginning Of The Tragedy

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**The Beginning Of The Tragedy**

  
Year 2013 

Tomoyo was getting worried about Syaoran. Ever since they came back from Sakura's apartment the day of Sakura's funeral, he's changed so much. He's become so reserved and he was brooding. He seemed to have lots of things on his mind and when Tomoyo asked about it, he becomes impatient with her. Tomoyo didn't know what was wrong with the Syaoran she loves and she didn't know why he wouldn't confide his problems in her. They used to tell each other everything, but ever since Sakura died, everything's changed between them. Their relationship was suffering from Syaoran's unwillingness to communicate. 

Tomoyo stared across the length of the table at the man she loved. Syaoran was listlessly strumming the guitar, staring absorbedly at the wall in front of him as if it held the answer to the world's greatest secret. His hair was unkempt and he looked like he hadn't shaved for quite some time. Tomoyo's heart constricted to see him like this, especially since she didn't know what triggered this. 

She stared at Syaoran for a few moments more, until she couldn't bear looking at his blank expression, then she quietly ran into his bedroom to compose herself. Tomoyo leaned against Syaoran's wardrobe and choked back tears of frustrations. She wanted to help him, to understand him, why wouldn't he let her? She gulped in deep breaths and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the hard wood. All the time she'd known Syaoran, he was a very easy-going person with no secret agenda. He was the complete opposite of Eriol who was intense and mysterious. 

Syaoran was day to Eriol's night, sun to Eriol's moon. Syaoran was a steady sort of person, someone you could count on, while Eriol was more volatile. Eriol was so passionate and it was that passion that attracted Tomoyo at first, and later, it was the same passion that drove her away. Tomoyo shook her head and pushed away from the wardrobe. 

What was wrong with her? Her fiancé was in the dumps and she was considering the differences between him and her ex-boyfriend? How irrelevant could she get? Squaring her shoulders, Tomoyo strolled around Syaoran's room, trying to come up with something that would get Syaoran to open up to her. 

She walked past Syaoran's unmade bed and was making a U-turn when she kicked into a solid object. Tomoyo stopped in mid-pace and stared down at the foreign object. It was a small, leather-bound book. 

Bending down, Tomoyo gingerly picked it up. 

***

Year 2003

Sakura was still wearing a silly smile the next day in class. Throughout the entire day, she was on cloud nine, oblivious to every, and anyone. She didn't see the curious stares aimed her way when she floated through the hallway absorbed in her daydreams of Syaoran. 

Junlai took note of the noted change in her best friend and duly commented on it. "Did aliens come into your bedroom last night and stole your brain? Does that explain that foolish grin everyone in school has been looking at since this morning?" 

Sakura cranked up the wattage of her smile and directed it at Junlai, "I can't help smiling, I'm just so happy!" 

Junlai couldn't help being infected by Sakura's humor and she smiled back, "Oh really? Just yesterday you were traumatized and today, all of a sudden, you're in high spirits. This is very suspicious. Come on, spill, what exactly happened last night?" 

"Syaoran," Sakura said, as if that one word, one name explained everything. Junlai hiked a finely plucked brow at Sakura. "And I'm suppose to deduce an entire story from that? He's marrying Tomoyo like you predicted?" She asked dubiously. 

Sakura ignored Junlai, "We went out last night with Tomoyo and Eriol. It was perfect; everything was like a dream. Everything is going the way it should be going." 

Junlai frowned, "You mean you actually went for it? But I thought that you said wild horses couldn't drag you anywhere near him. You were determined to hate that guy, what happened?" Junlai mimicked knocking on Sakura's head with her knuckles, "Hello, anyone up there?" 

Sakura pushed Junlai's hand away, "Well, maybe I was a tiny bit hasty in my decision to hate him. Anyways, he turned out to be a very decent person and I like talking to him," Sakura paused and gave Junlai a wicked smile, "and it helped that he was easy on the eyes." 

Junlai burst into laughter, "So that is why you suddenly decided to like him!" 

The two girls were laughing together happily when Hufei walked hesitantly up to them. Junlai noticed him first; she immediately stopped laughing and started turning an obvious shade of red. It took Sakura a while to realized that her friend was no longer joining her in her mirth and she looked curiously around to see what caused her sudden silence. Her gaze caught on Hufei who was standing silently near them. He was looking at Junlai, but Junlai found sudden interest on the design of the cement floor. 

Sakura swallowed a smile, "So," she thought, "yesterday's events made them realized their feelings for each other sooner than otherwise." Out loud, Sakura only said, "I got to go now, Junlai, Syaoran said he'll call me later. See you tomorrow," she turned to Hufei and gave him an exaggerated wink that made him loosen up and smiled, "Have fun you two!" 

That said, Sakura left them alone, feeling very pleased with the way things were in general. Syaoran was falling in love with her, and Hufei and Junlai had found each other now, instead of five years later, when Hufei was a divorcee and Junlai was thoroughly disillusioned with the general idea of love. They wouldn't have to go through the heartache they went through in the other time. "Everything was perfect," Sakura thought, "what could go wrong?" 

***

"Eriol," Syaoran asked suddenly, during a break from filming. "How do you know when you're in love?" 

Eriol looked up startled from the script he was studying intently and stared at a serious-faced Syaoran. "What did you just say?" He asked incredulously. 

Syaoran scooted forward in his chair and leaned nearer Eriol, "I mean, how did you know you loved Tomoyo? What is it that you feel with her than tells you she's the one for you?" 

Eriol looked into Syaoran's glowing brown eyes and found them dead serious and staring back at him expectantly. Unexpectedly, Eriol found himself speechless. He was no expert on love, how was he going to tell Syaoran what he wanted to know? Trying as best as he could, Eriol stumbled over his words, "Well, I feel hot all over, and I'm nervous and at the same time so comfortable around her. I looked at her and feel amazed that she actually wants to be with me," as Eriol spoke, his voice became stronger and he sounded more and more confident. 

"Seeing her happy makes me happy, hearing her laughter makes me happy. When you love someone, it's really weird because you start to notice the little things you never bothered to notice before. Like how when she's worried, she'll chew on her lower lip, the way she likes to play with her hair, the way she looks deep into your eyes…" Eriol snapped out of his reverie and smiled sheepishly at Syaoran who was giving Eriol a secret smile. "You get the idea," he said weakly, embarrassed. 

Syaoran nodded. "Sakura's so like Tomoyo, I mean, they're both so beautiful and gentle. When they both smile, it's like, their smiles lit up the entire room. Sakura is so contradictory, one minute she's all bashful like a schoolgirl, the next minute she's almost making love to with her eyes. I just can't pin her down," he mused. 

Eriol didn't say it, but as he looked at his friend, he realized that Syaoran was intrigued by the mystery of Sakura. Syaoran might mistake that attraction for love, but Eriol didn't make that mistake. For now, Syaoran was seduced by Sakura's dual personalities, her beauty and her grace. Attraction wasn't love. Syaoran wasn't in love, no matter what he thinks. 

Eriol watched Syaoran's as he continued smiling the goofy smile he couldn't quite hide and worried about both him and Sakura. He was worried that Syaoran's ignorance might hurt Sakura. He was worried that Sakura was in love with Syaoran. Really in love. Eriol had seen the looks Sakura gave Syaoran when she thought no one was looking and those stares burned Eriol up with its intensity and wistfulness. He didn't know how it happened, but Sakura had apparently fallen hard for Syaoran the moment she clapped eyes on him. It was like she had known Syaoran for years; she knew him that well. 

During dinner, she'd known Syaoran's favorite food, his favorite music, his favorite movie… she had known everything there was to know about Syaoran and yet, Tomoyo had told him that this was the first time that Sakura had ever seen Syaoran, so it was amazing that she knew all these stuff about Syaoran. True, throughout dinner, whenever she let it slip what she knew of Syaoran, she tried to cover her tracks, rather unsuccessfully, and everyone noticed her slip and wondered about it. Everyone, except for Syaoran who was too busy drowning in her eyes to really listen to the conversation around him. 

Eriol was really worried. He hoped that Syaoran knew what he was doing. He hope to God he did. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Long chapter, yes because I got a couple of reviews that make me happy. Hehe, well keep on commenting, okay? 


	10. Regrets

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Regrets**

  
Year 2003 

Sakura talked to Syaoran every night and wore a silly smile each day. Life was perfect for her. So perfect that sometimes, she forgot that she didn't initially belong to this time. Little things made her remember though, like when the lecturer repeated the same stuff she already knew in class, when she had knowledge of medical advances that hadn't been discovered yet. She could barely keep herself awake in class because her knowledge far surpassed that of her lecturers'. She had to condition herself to refrain from interpreting in class. Also, she was far more mature than her now 17; it makes her sick to act all giggly of immature. It makes her feel weird to wear pastels again; it's been such a long time since she's been out of a doctor's standard white coat. 

Sakura can still remember exactly what will happen, and when it will happen. Her memories recorded specific dates and events, the cause and the effect. Like, she knew that Tomoyo would have a huge row with Eriol the day before because Tomoyo accepted the modeling offer in Milan. It was a once in a lifetime thing, so there was no way Tomoyo was giving it up, no matter how much she loved Eriol. The argument before Tomoyo went to Milan was the first strain on the relationship. That was what made Tomoyo question her entire relationship with Eriol. 

So, what Sakura did was intercept the Milan call at the right time and told the talent scout that Tomoyo's services was unavailable, and won't be within this half year. Afterwards, she felt both relieved and guilty about it. The Milan job was what landed Tomoyo in the major league and Sakura had just played God and took Tomoyo's choice and free will away. And she did this because she wanted Syaoran to herself, man, she was despicable! Just because she wanted Syaoran was no reason to sabotage her own cousin's career, logically she understood that, but it was a risk Sakura couldn't allow. 

Now, sitting opposite Syaoran in his house, watching him destroy the kitchens in a bid to prepare dinner for her, Sakura felt torn between doing what's right and doing what feels right. 

What was right was to present to Syaoran the real her that he would only like as a friend, what feels right was to continue with this charade, that she was the girl he thought she was. What was right would be telling Tomoyo what Sakura did to her career, what felt right was keeping mum about it. But the thing was, how long can Sakura live a lie? How long more can she deceive both Tomoyo and Syaoran? What if Syaoran and her were never meant to be together, what if Tomoyo and Syaoran were the fated ones? What if they were the one for each other? Then wouldn't Sakura be destroying everything that was right? But if that's the case, then why was she transported back into this time? Why was all this happening? People always say that things happen for a reason, then what was the reason for her being back here. What the heck was she supposed, or perhaps even expected to do here? 

"Sakura? Sakura! Did you hear anything I said?" Syaoran was waving his hand in front of her nose and watching her with a concerned expression. His brow was furrowed, "Are you feeling all right? Shall we postpone this? I'll take you home if you're not feeling well." 

Sakura shook her head and managed a smile for Syaoran, "No, don't worry about me, I'm fine, I was just thinking about school. We have so much to do… it's so tiring," she fibbed, faking a delicate yawn. Syaoran's frown slid away at Sakura's assurance, he sat down behind her and hugged her from behind. Sakura relaxed against his strong body with a small sigh. 

"You work too hard, Sakura, you need to learn to relax," Syaoran whispered into her ear, his lips touching Sakura's ears teasingly as he spoke.

Sakura heard the playfulness in Syaoran's voice and smiled. At the same time, she couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through her when his lips brushed her ear. 

"Stop it," Sakura said as she drew in a shaky breath. She knew Syaoran could feel how he affected her and she knew that he wanted her to feel the way she did. It was all part of the bug plan; only she didn't know what the big plan entailed. 

Syaoran started kissing her ear, "Are you sure that's what you want me to do?" his words tickled the inside of Sakura's ear and Sakura bit her lower lip. God! What was he trying to do? If he kept this up, she might throw herself at him! 

Sakura finally found the strength to utter, "I want you to stop, Syaoran." Syaoran did stop when she asked and that loss made Sakura want to cry out. Syaoran released her from his embrace and dropped a kiss at the top of her head. "Come with me, I have a little surprise waiting for you." 

Sakura looked up at the man she loved in surprise. She knew the playful side to him, she knew even the serious side and the dejected and the ambitious and the angry side, but this was different. He was different. He was in a very strange mood and Sakura just couldn't pin him down. He was seductive and romantic. He was serious and playful. Sakura looked at his extend hand then back to his beckoning eyes. Those eyes promised rewards if she trusted him. 

Sakura laughed up at him and caught his hand. She had loved him her entire life and had trusted him that long, there was no reason to start doubting him now. Syaoran grinned down at the beautiful girl who had captivated him the first moment he saw her, mystified him with her cryptic words, and baffled him with her violent mood swings. She also dazzled him with her wit, smile and intellect. Syaoran didn't claim to know her inside out and he knew that perhaps one day, in the distant he would finally understand where she was coming from – when she was ready to be discovered. But until then, he would just have to wait patiently. 

Just before they reached his bedroom, Syaoran turned to Sakura. "Close your eyes," he told her. Sakura looked at him questioningly, but all he did was look back at her silently. 

"What are you up to?" All she got for an answer was Syaoran's hand over her eyes. Obliging, she closed them and couldn't repressed the smile that curved her lips. Syaoran waved his hand in front of Sakura's face to see if she was peeking, when he was satisfied that she wasn't, he slipped both his hands into hers and led her forward into his room. He brought her to stand in the middle of his room and left her there with explicit instructions not to open her eyes unless he told her to. 

After what seemed to be an eternity to Sakura, she finally heard Syaoran saying, "Now," and she opened her eyes. 

***

Year 2013 

Tomoyo had to sit down. She hadn't even finished one page, or even half page of her cousin's diary and she had to sit down or risked her legs giving out. She didn't know Sakura felt that way about Syaoran, she never knew or she'll – She stopped short. Or she'll what? She let Sakura have him with her blessings? Tomoyo didn't know. She didn't know if she could be such a saint. She didn't know if she could make as big a sacrifice as Sakura did. 

Tomoyo tried to think what Sakura must have felt when she saw Syaoran, the man she loved, and Tomoyo, the cousin she respected, cuddling together, sometimes kissing or just behaving intimately. She tried to imagine the pain she must have felt, but couldn't. She couldn't imagine pain that magnitude. All her life, Tomoyo had been granted all that she wanted because she was beautiful and smart. All her life she never lacked anything. Any guy she wanted wants her back, anything she wanted was presented to her in a neatly wrapped package. 

Tomoyo didn't understand what it was like to love someone without that person knowing or loving her back. She didn't understand the concept itself, so how could she understand how Sakura felt? 

Tomoyo closed her eyes and thought back to when she had forced Sakura to be her bridesmaid. 

"There is no way I'm going to let you say no to me Sakura. You're my cousin and Syaoran's best friend, there is no one more qualified than you," she had begged. 

She didn't realize then that Sakura had been so desperate to get out of it that she would have willingly forsaken an arm. "Tomoyo, you know that I would love to do it, but I can't. I just can't. I don't have the time. The hospital-" 

"Now, don't give me that... You're been working nearly everyday in that shelter you insisted on calling a hospital since the day you graduated. If it weren't for your inheritance, you would have starved to death. You are overworked and underpaid – don't interrupt, I'm not finished yet – the hospital will allow you the leave or I'll withdraw my donation." Tomoyo threatened and Sakura knew that Tomoyo was serious. She had been bullied and coerced into witnessing the loss of the love of her life. Tomoyo had unknowingly condemned her vulnerable and dearest cousin to living hell when she forced Sakura to watch Syaoran and her take their wedding pictures, when Tomoyo had forced Sakura to watch as Tomoyo adjusted the lapels of Syaoran's tux. When they planned their wedding and honeymoon, Sakura was always their watching them with her sad eyes, only Tomoyo had been too involved and self-centered to be aware of the heartbreak Sakura must have been experiencing. 

"What are you doing?" Syaoran's harsh voice snapped Tomoyo's head up and she stared at her fiancé whose attention was on the leather bound book on Tomoyo's lap. Tomoyo jumped up guilty, making the book fall to the ground. "Syaoran! I – I can explain –" 

Syaoran's eyes were on the book. "Get out," he said that quietly, with an undercurrent of anger running so strongly that it scared Tomoyo. She stood there looking at him for a long moment, "I said get out!" Syaoran shouted, still not looking at Tomoyo. 

Tomoyo started; her eyes filled with tears, blurring her vision as she fled the room. 

Syaoran slowly unclenched his fist but didn't take his eyes off Sakura's diary. He didn't know how he managed to so thoroughly screw up his life, but he'd done it. "If I'd only screw up only my life and not Tomoyo's and Sakura's," he thought. But Syaoran knew it was too late for regrets, much too late for amends. 

If only he could choose all over again... If only...

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: A little fluffy, hope you liked it. Hmm, I would do more fluff in later chapters if readers like it, but if not I won't. I personally don't like things too mushy, so I'm doing it for you guys! Anyhow, I was thinking if I should change the rating to my story to perhaps PG-13 instead of PG, but I really don't want to limit the readers so much. You guys tell me, okay?  
Now about the story, what do you guys think of Sakura playing 'god' like that? A little dangerous, neh? Would it affect how things turnout? Sorry readers, I'm not giving anything away, so you'd have to wait and see but tell me what you guys are predicting and how you hope things to be! Oh, and for the '2013' Syaoran, I'm sorry if I displayed him a little harsh but just think about what's going through his head and remember, he still cares about Tomoyo but he just realized a feeling he had, but never found, before for Sakura (even though she's 'gone' now).  
Well thanks for the comments, they were awesome! Each and every single one of the made my day a little brighter, hehe. Remember to keep reviewing... Also check out my other two stories! 


	11. Amendments

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Amendments**

  
Year 2013 

The doorbell rang incessantly. 

It was raining heavily outside and for that reason, filming was cancelled, which was why Eriol was taking a rare leisurely bath at home. He heard the doorbell but was loathed to give that up for whichever pest was at his door wanting to sell him whichever newest, useless invention. He let his head lolled back and his eyes slid shut in bliss. His aching muscles were soothed by the hot water. He worked too hard, but then again, what else did he have besides his work? He didn't have a family to come home to; he didn't have anything he was proud of, except his work, so why not work? Once upon a time, he had a motivation to return home to or so he thought. Now, that motivation was snatched away by the very person he called friend. A bitter, cynical smile curved his sensual lips as he thought that. Eriol knew better now. 

The buzz of the doorbell made Eriol raise his head in annoyance. The salesperson just didn't know when to give up. Uttering an oath, Eriol climbed out of his Jacuzzi and grabbed a towel which he wrapped loosely about his trim waist, and yanked the bathroom door open, heading towards the living room, intending to give the inconsiderate salesperson a very huge piece of his mind. 

"What the" - Eriol's snarl died a quick death on his lips when he nearly unhinged the door opening it, and saw who was at his doorstep. 

It wasn't a pesky salesperson as he expected. No, it was much worse. It was the person he swore he'll never see again for the rest of his life. He almost didn't recognize him. 

"Syaoran," Eriol said coldly, his eyes taking on a sudden chill. Eriol didn't know what his former best friend was doing here, neither did he want to know. All Eriol wanted was him to get off his property before he had the security forcibly evict him from here. 

Syaoran stared dumbly at Eriol who was trying to bore holes into Syaoran's drenched and trembling body. Syaoran didn't know what he was doing here; he knew he shouldn't be here. Eriol was liable to murder him and Syaoran wouldn't blame him at all if he did. Belatedly, Syaoran wondered if he wasn't here hoping that Eriol would indeed kill him and put an end to his miserable life. 

"Are you done staring at me? If you are, get off my property before I have you arrested for trespassing." Eriol's tone was quiet and quite calm, but his eyes were a different matter entirely; they were spitting fire at Syaoran. If looks could kill, Syaoran would be but a pile of ash at Eriol's feet now. 

Syaoran shook his head and suddenly found humor in the situation. He started laughing, "I gave up our friendship so that I can regret it, when Sakura died and I find out that she's loved me these past 10 years but I was too pigheaded to realize it until it was too late, all for a woman I didn't love at all." Eriol stared at the laughing man for a long moment, absorbing the very long sentence he was just fed. Eriol had heard that Sakura died on Syaoran and Tomoyo's wedding day. He'd wanted to turn up for her funeral but didn't because he didn't want to see Tomoyo or Syaoran. Eriol still hadn't forgiven them what they'd done to him. 

To Eriol, there were no excuses for betrayal. But Eriol did go back there the day after the funeral to see Sakura. He brought her her favorite flowers, peonies. Sakura loved them for the simple reason that they were the first flowers Syaoran gave her. 

It was the first and last time Syaoran gave her flowers. Eriol still remembered how still Sakura went when Syaoran dumped those flowers into her arms. Syaoran didn't even buy them; he'd picked them in the countryside. Eriol was with him then, Syaoran had saw those peonies and had made Eriol pull over at the side of the road while he got out and picked them. Eriol had watched in amusement and he ribbed Syaoran about it all day long. 

"If I get a ticket because of you and your flowers, Syaoran, I swear I will make you eat it up!" Eriol threatened. Syaoran just laughed good-naturedly, knowing it for the empty threat it was. Eriol stood by and watched for a moment before sighing and going to help his friend. But his kind gesture wasn't appreciated. Syaoran looked over at Eriol and immediately frowned. 

"What are you doing Eriol?" he'd demanded. 

Eriol looked at his friend in exasperation, "What does it look like I'm doing? Picking apples? I'm helping you, dumbbell."

"I would appreciate it if you didn't help me," was Syaoran's reply. Eriol dropped the peonies he'd picked and searched Syaoran's expression, trying to ascertain if he was serious. He was. 

"Fine, I won't interfere," Eriol stood up, a grin breaking out on his face as he watched Syaoran gathered the peonies clumsily, trying to pick the blooms without demolishing them completely in his grip. Eriol decided that men just weren't cut out to gather flowers; their big hands would crush every delicate blossom, but Syaoran was trying his hardest not to mutilate those fragile beauties. 

"Why peonies, Syaoran? Can't you get those at a florist or something? At least those peonies won't look like they've been through a blender," Eriol finally couldn't help his curiosity. 

By then, Syaoran had picked a huge armful and was very satisfied with his handiwork. He stood up and strode to the car and got in. he wanted until they were on the road before answering Eriol, "Peonies because they're simple and beautiful, like Sakura. You don't notice peonies, but they beautify the scene without grabbing your attention, just like Sakura. You don't realize Sakura's beautiful until you put her into a room you thought was dull and suddenly, because she's there, the room seems lovelier than ever, that's the effect she has on people. Sakura's wild and so untamed, she wasn't cultivated, not made, she's natural, that's the only word I can find to describe her," Syaoran gave Eriol a lopsided grin, "like these beauties here."

Eriol chuckled, "You really like her?"

Syaoran considered that for a moment, "As a sister, I feel for her the way I would for a younger sibling, that's all." 

Syaoran had been in self-denial then, Eriol knew. But Eriol had also kept silent about it. "Maybe it was partially your fault that Tomoyo broke up with you to be with him, maybe it's your fault that all of them are suffering now because you chose to keep your thoughts to yourself and not given Syaoran any advice. Maybe this is your punishment," Eriol's conscience whispered snidely to him. Eriol quickly shook it off, an easy task from long practice. 

"I don't know why I'm here, maybe I just wanted to apologize for what I did to you. But this thing between us can never be settled with a simple apology," Syaoran stated softly now that he'd sobered and had stopped laughing. He looked at Eriol through clear eyes even though the rest of him was pretty much a mess. "I ruined my life, your life, Tomoyo's life and Sakura's. There's no way I can make it up to Sakura now, but I can right the wrong I did to you and Tomoyo." 

"I don't need you to make amends, just get the hell away from me before I give in to my urge to murder you," a threat made softly was more lethal than one made loudly, at least that applied to Eriol. Still, Syaoran didn't step back and make any move to leave. 

"She's home right now, crying her eyes out." Syaoran closed his eyes in anguished as he relived the scene earlier in his house. "She read Sakura's diary, she knows that Sakura was in love with me all along. She also knows that I didn't love her as much as I thought I did. As we thought I did. She's probably questioning her own feelings for me." Syaoran opened his eyes and pinned Eriol with his steady gaze, "She needs you now."

Eriol gave Syaoran a look that eloquently told him that he didn't give a damn whether Tomoyo needs him or not. "I'll give you ten seconds to get off my property, if I still see you here when I get back, I swear I'll call the cops then." Eriol slammed the door shut in Syaoran's face. Syaoran stood motionless for all of five seconds before he turned and trudged off Eriol's property, a heavy weight on his shoulders. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Kind of a dark chapter but hey look! Our dear Eriol finally came into scene in the future part of the story.  
Oh yes, for the flower I didn't pick cherry blossoms as Sakura's favourite because it would of been very hard to pick. Instead it was Syaoran's favourite, peonies. They're very pretty too, hehe, and it fitted the story better.  
Well I didn't get very many reviews at all last chapter, was it that bad? *tear* I hope to get more comments for this one. Anyways, that would be all, later! ^_~ 


	12. The First Signs of Breakup

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**The First Signs of Breakup**

  
Year 2003

Syaoran had placed colored candles all about the room. The gentle glow from those candles threw a warm radiance on everything it touched, giving the room an ethereal feeling. Every possible surface in the room, except for the path leading into the room and a small circle in the middle of his room, was covered with peonies of every color and size Syaoran could manage to get his hands on. 

Syaoran didn't know why, but when he'd smelled the balmy fragrance of those flowers during filming, he couldn't get them out of his mind. The fragrance reminded him of the happy times he spent with the elusive Sakura, and those simple yet striking flowers remind him more of her than ever, because they were strong yet so soft and gentle to the touch. 

When filming was over, and the set had been cleared, he forced Eriol to go all the way to town and find him a vehicle big enough to accommodate all the peonies Syaoran could find. Eriol had looked at Syaoran as if he were crazy, which Syaoran was inclined to believe so, and said, "Couldn't you just be a normal person and buy flowers from a florist instead of picking them yourself?" 

Syaoran couldn't give Eriol a satisfactory reply as to why he couldn't buy the flowers from a florist so he didn't even try. Eriol had grumbled about it some, but still done what Syaoran wanted, for that Syaoran was grateful. 

Syaoran shifted uncomfortably when he realized that Sakura hadn't spoke a word since she opened her eyes and saw what he did for her. What if she didn't like the peonies? Or could it be because the flowers were all wilting? These thought ran through Syaoran's mind, tormenting him. Syaoran was so concerned about what Sakura thought about his handiwork that he couldn't look at her properly, because if he had, he would have seen the sheen of tears sparkling in her eyes. He would have seen the way she quickly lowered her lashes to prevent those tears from falling. And the way she wringed her hands together and compressed her lips. He would have seen she was hard pressed to keep her composure. 

"I'm sorry," Syaoran finally blurted out, after an extended silence between them. Sakura's eyes lifted and jerked to his in surprise, tipping her tears off the rim and onto her cheeks. Sakura quickly dashed them away before Syaoran could see it. 

"What?" she asked, her voice a little hoarse, but Syaoran was too drowned in his own worries to notice. 

"I didn't know you don't like peonies," Syaoran paused, "sorry." 

Sakura didn't know whether she should laugh at his assumption or cry at his attempt to make her happy but was instead making her choke with more guilt than ever. 

"You think I don't like this?" she managed in a strangled voice. She didn't wait for Syaoran's answer before continuing, "You think I hate peonies? Oh Syaoran, I-" her voice broke off then, she couldn't say it. She couldn't tell him that she loved what he did; she couldn't tell him that she would love anything that he would like to give her. Guilt was a horrible thing to experience and Sakura was feeling a huge dose of that now. 

Without another word, Sakura fled before she confessed everything to Syaoran and see the light in his eyes fade to be replaced by disgust, for her. That she couldn't bear. 

Syaoran didn't watch her leave; neither did he try to stop her. He didn't know how he could so thoroughly screw up what promised to be a perfect evening. One thing was a guarantee – he couldn't feel any worse. Stalking out of the room, Syaoran trampled much of the peonies that he painstakingly picked, but just now, he didn't care. His life was in shambles, what were a few dead flowers to him? 

Slamming the door after him, he proceeded to the nearest pub to drown his sorrows and latest fatal mistake – whatever it was.

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Short chapter, I know, but I'm experiencing writer's block. I think I might stop all of my stories and focus on only one, this way different ideas won't mess me up. Well tell me what you guys think of this chapter, kind of sad... Hope you like it anyhow! -_-  
I appreciate all the comments I recieved last chapter, thank you very much. Please continue commenting and it might encourage me out of this state I'm in. 


	13. When Guilt Overwhelms

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**When Guilt Overwhelms**

  
Year 2003 

Tomoyo didn't understand. She didn't understand why a week earlier, Sakura had slammed into her room crying, after what was a supposedly romantic date – Eriol assured her it was that – shouldn't she be smiling and twirling about the house giddy with happiness, as she had the past few weeks?

"I'm worried about them," Eriol voiced out her thoughts. Tomoyo raised her head slightly and gazed into her boyfriend's troubled dark eyes. "Syaoran's been drinking," he paused, "a lot." 

Tomoyo pushed away from Eriol's chest and faced him, pushing her long hair out of the way. She frowned, "But he never used to drink, at least not every single night. Do you think it has anything to do with Sakura's depression?" 

"Of course it's related to Sakura's depression, everything is related to Sakura when we're talking about Syaoran. He's crazy about her. He even handpicked a roomful of peonies for her the other day, now tell me which guy would do that for a girl he doesn't like." Eriol lapsed into silence. He didn't notice the Tomoyo's surprise.

"He did … what?" Tomoyo asked slowly, staring at Eriol. 

"He gave her peonies. What? Does Sakura hate peonies?" 

Tomoyo shook her head slowly, "No, but she's been going out and returning home with armful of peonies everyday. Other than for her daily outings and regular toilet breaks, she's been locking herself in." Tomoyo shook her head again and met Eriol's eyes – eyes that mirrored her own dawning realization. "She's crying for Syaoran. I don't understand, why are they drowning in misery when it's so obvious that they so in love with each other?" 

Eriol looked determined, "I don't know Tomoyo, but I intend to." He stood up, "I'll go talk to Syaoran about this and you go try to find out whatever you can with Sakura." He bent down and kissed Tomoyo on the lips briefly, it was obvious that his mind wasn't on kissing her. "I'll call you tonight," he promised and strode towards the door. 

Tomoyo watched Eriol go with a smile on her face. When he closed the door behind him, Tomoyo relaxed against the sofa and closed her eyes.

She loved him so much it hurts. 

***

Sakura stared out the window of the plane and with a start, realized that the plane was already taking off. So fast? She didn't realize how long she's been staring off into space. It seemed like it's the best thing she could do these days. She couldn't study, she couldn't write, she couldn't even watch television without thinking about Syaoran or Tomoyo. She couldn't think of them without the touch of guilt that persisted in dogging her every thought. 

She had run out of Syaoran's house that night because she couldn't outrun the guilt that plagued her. The voice niggled in her mind about her snatching Tomoyo's chance at stardom away from her, snatching her future fiancé away from her. The voice whispered that she was showing Syaoran what he wanted to see of her. It told her that she wasn't being completely truthful to Syaoran and it was unfair to him. She was lying to him, cheating his feelings. How could he love her when she didn't show him what she really was like? She knew what kind of girls Syaoran liked and she became that girl so that he'll like her. The girl Syaoran liked didn't exist, because Sakura created her deliberately for Syaoran! 

She was a liar, a cheater... 

That was why Sakura had penned a letter to Tomoyo, a letter to Syaoran and one more to Eriol before she used her life savings to buy a one-way ticket out of Hong Kong. She'll go somewhere where she can renew herself again. A place where she had no guilt and at the same time, a place where she knew she would receive the support she needed at that point. As a medical student, Sakura knew clearly that she'd have no problem finding a job at any hospital, and finding a medicine school that would accept her for a student. 

That may not be the wisest choice she had, but it was the best she could come up with. She done something wrong, it made sense – at least to Sakura it does, that she pay for her mistake. 

The scenery of Hong Kong became smaller and smaller as the plane took her further and further away from the place she'd called home for so long. The scenery became more and more blurry as tears pooled in her eyes and stayed there because Sakura refused to allow them to be shed. No more tears, she'd promised herself, and she meant to see that promise kept. 

Quickly, Sakura turned away from the window and stared straight in front of her blindly. She didn't want to see herself leaving Hong Kong like this. There was already a tear in her heart that probably wouldn't heal; she didn't think she could witness what she was giving up. 

Unbidden, a solitary tear, trickled out of the corner of Sakura's eyes and rolled gently down her cheek. It sparkled for a brief moment, as the sun's rays bounced off it, before Sakura quickly dashed it away. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: A much better chapter, no? Well I hope it cleared things up, because I noticed what a poor job I did last time, but I believe my writer's block is slowly moving away. Thanks to all of you who commented, even those who didn't but are reading this. I appreaciate the time you've put in, and I hope you're enjoying this story as much as I am writing it. It started off really slowly with barely a couple of reviews for each update, and now I have almost 10 for each new chapter! I would have quit without your support, so thank you once again. Er... and sorry for being such an evil author, *sweatdrop* it's something that comes naturally!   
P.S.- Hehe remember to read my other stories too, alright? 


	14. Insight

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Insight**

  
Year 2003

Eriol first tried Syaoran's house, but he wasn't there, so he went to several pubs near Syaoran's place that he knew Syaoran had been frequenting but no one had seen him there that night, at least not yet. In the end, Eriol found Syaoran at the basketball court, playing a game of solitary basketball. "Well, at least he's not sober," Eriol said to himself, watching Syaoran dribbling the orange ball around the court before trying to sink the ball in the hoop – and failed. 

The ball hit the board and fell over Syaoran's head, out of bounds. Syaoran didn't even bother to look where the ball went. He simply bent forward, his hands on his knees, his head down. It was a posture that told Eriol of the defeat Syaoran felt. Eriol quietly strode over to Syaoran, his sneakers making no noise on the hard floor. But Eriol knew that Syaoran was aware of his approaching. He stopped a few feet from his friend but made no move to touch him. Eriol didn't say anything for the longest time. He simply watched Syaoran trying to ignore his presence. 

In the end, Syaoran was the one who acknowledge him when he turned his head towards Eriol, and not looking him in the face, asked, "What do you want?" 

Eriol didn't answer him, instead, he asked, "What do you want?" 

Syaoran frowned and straightened. He stared at Eriol full on the face, his frown ferocious but intimidating Eriol not one bit. Eriol knew him well enough to know that Syaoran's bark was worse than his bite. Eriol repeated his question, "What do you want?" 

"What do you mean what do I want?" Syaoran snapped, striding away from Eriol, clearly irritated with him. He was in no mood for Eriol's word games; he was in enough trouble, he didn't need more. Syaoran wasn't a glutton for punishment, even though it certainly looked that way now. 

Eriol caught Syaoran's arm as he passed by him, forcing Syaoran to halt and look at Eriol's hand on his arm in confusion. "You love her," Eriol said simply, after a moment's lapse. Syaoran blinked at the sudden leap in subject, but he wasn't shocked. No, he already guessed that was why Eriol was here. Eriol was already by his side ready to give him advice whenever Syaoran needed it. 

Inexplicably, Syaoran's temper blew up. He jerked his arm out of Eriol's hold and gave him a stare so full of anger that so surprised Eriol that he instinctively took a step away from Syaoran. 

"Stop it! Just back off!" Syaoran's voice was a shout. Eriol took another step away from him. "I know I love Sakura, I knew it when I first saw her, and I know it now when I've so thoroughly screwed things up with her. I don't know what went wrong, but something obviously did go wrong because she ran out on me! And what did clever old me do? Go after her like all sensible, coherent men would? No, I had to stand there gawking open-mouthed like some retard then drink myself into a stupor. I had to be a coward and hide here playing," Syaoran looked in disgust at the basketball sitting all alone at the corner of the court, "basketball, instead of going over to her house and asking her what the problem was!" The anger went out of him then and his shoulders and head drooped in defeat. "I've screwed things up royally now haven't I?" his voice was so quiet with self-loathing now, that it was nearly inaudible. But Eriol heard every word clearly. 

He shook his head but Syaoran didn't see it. He was too busy berating himself over being a coward that Eriol had to grab him by the shoulder and forced him to look at him before he would pay attention. "Listen to me Syaoran. Forget all about what you perceived you'd done wrong. It done now and you can't undo it no matter how much you want it to. Forget about all of it and give you and Sakura a brand new start. You love her and I'll tell you something else. Sakura loves you too. You don't have to look so surprised. You shouldn't be surprised. Anyone with eyes at all could see that the girl worships the ground you walk on. The look in her eyes every time you look at her should tell you enough. 

"All that's hindering the both of you is misunderstanding. It can be solved if you quit wallowing in self-pity and actually do something to make her know you love her too." Eriol shook Syaoran. "You're unhappy, so you drink; what do you think Sakura's been doing?" 

Realization struck. 

"She's been crying?" Syaoran's insides twisted to know that when he's been torturing himself about his so-called shortcomings, Sakura's been crying all because of his lack of self-confidence. He really was an idiot! "She's been crying over me?" 

"That and she'd been going out to pick fresh peonies every single day without fail. If that doesn't prove that she loves you, I don't know what else would." 

Syaoran was floored. Sakura loves him. Sakura actually loves him despite his continual mess-ups. She loves him! A grin spread slowly across his face and his turned twinkling eyes to Eriol. "Sakura's as much in love with me as I am with her." Eriol shook his head, barely hiding his exasperation.

"What do you think I've been trying to tell you these past few minutes? The weather?"

Syaoran ignored Eriol's sarcasm and started walking off the court. "Where do you think you're going?" Eriol watched him go with a slight smile. Eriol had a pretty good idea where Syaoran was heading. 

"To someone who needs me as much as I need her," came Syaoran's answer. He didn't bother to stop or turn to relay that piece of information; he just kept on walking, leaving an amused and relieved Eriol behind. Eriol hoped that his friend wouldn't screw this up again.

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Oh boy, is this a good thing or a bad thing? I'll let you readers decide, hehe. Things are getting a little more involving again and dilemas are reappearing. Hope for the best next chapter, and plead I'm not in a cruel mood! Well thanks for the reviews and keep on commenting. That makes me happy and it might help in my writing... ^_~  
P.S.- Back to school *sigh* I'll try to update ASAP but please bare with me if I don't. 


	15. Admitting Wrongs

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Admitting Wrongs**

  
Year 2013 

The tabloids were saying that two and a half weeks after Sakura's funeral, Tomoyo and Syaoran's broken up. It started when Syaoran attended Meilin Li's latest movie premiere alone without Tomoyo by his side. Then when Tomoyo showed up at a bash with another actor, rumors started flying around. 

The more functions Tomoyo attended without Syaoran by her side, the more the paparazzi speculated. Syaoran frankly didn't care a hoot what the magazines were saying. He wasn't even quite sure how he survived, but he did. He wasn't sure if he ate or shaved or did anything at all, but every time he looked into the mirror he didn't look slovenly. No, except for his lifeless eyes that were bloodshot and down-turned mouth, he looked normal. "As normal as a zombie can look," he thought humorlessly. Life held no meaning for him now. There was nothing to laugh at or cry or rage at. He was just surviving because his company, manager, producer won't let him die. 

On the other hand, Tomoyo had multi-escorts, taking her around town because she didn't want Syaoran to feel responsible towards her. It was her way of showing him that he didn't have to feel any guilt for abandoning her. Not that Syaoran cared much about anything these days. 

She had totally given up on their 7-year relationship. Even though Syaoran was still in denial about his feelings for Sakura, the fact that he was pushing Tomoyo away proved that he didn't love her enough. If he had pretended that everything was fine between them, if he'd caught her reading Sakura's diary and rushed to explain instead of ousting her from his house, there might have been something left to salvage between them. But Syaoran had reacted as though she was a nosy reporter going through his personal belongings so that she could expose it to the rest of the world. He'd eloquently told her without words that even if they forced themselves together just for the sake of not being alone, neither of them would stay happy very long. 

There would always be Sakura between them. Tomoyo would always wonder, when he was kissing her, hugging her, being passionate together, if he was really thinking about her, or imaging she was Sakura. Tomoyo knew she couldn't have bore that. No woman could and Tomoyo was just a normal woman after all was said and done. 

Syaoran was hell-bent on destroying himself and the career he so carefully crafted for 10 years and even though Tomoyo made a vow to stay away from him, she couldn't turn her feelings for him off just like that, like a tap. It hurts her to see him so empty inside even when he's in a roomful of people. He has no goal in sight, no drive, no ambition anymore. It was scary when she looked into his eyes and felt as if he was looking at a glacier. He's withdrawn so deep from them all that he was just a dry husk of a human being and Tomoyo couldn't bear that. Syaoran wasn't meant to be like that. He was a person made to light up a room, a flamboyant being that'd be the life of any party. He was someone who cared about everything and everybody. 

But now, no! Tomoyo couldn't let that happen to him. Syaoran didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to suffer for something that he didn't know because Sakura, Tomoyo's deceased cousin didn't have enough guts to tell him the truth. After the initial hurt and pain, Tomoyo now was furious with Sakura. 

How could she do this to Syaoran? How could you love someone and then bring him so much pain? Why didn't she just tell Syaoran and let him decide who he wanted? Why couldn't she just take a risk once in her life? Why did she always have to be the noble one and sacrifice everything for her selfish cousin? Tomoyo hated Sakura, she hated her for putting Tomoyo into a position where she could feel the shattering ache both herself and Sakura was feeling. She wanted to hate Sakura and she wanted to hate herself for not being observant enough. But at this precise moment, all she could feel was a dullness in the region of her heart and a resignation that seeped deep. 

She imagined that must be how Sakura felt when she witnessed Syaoran and Tomoyo's wedding: a feeling of inevitability. Everyday Tomoyo woke up and she remembered what happened between her and Syaoran. Everyday she relived the scene when Syaoran shouted for her to get out of his house when he found her with Sakura's diary. And everyday, she berated fate for letting him find that diary of Sakura's when everything was beyond salvage between him and Sakura. Why did he have to find that diary? They could have been so happy together if the diary never came into the picture. The secret would have died with Sakura and all of them could live happily ever after. Sakura was dead, why couldn't her love for him stop at that? Why did Syaoran have to find out and ruined everything? Why did all of them have to suffer now? It was so unfair! 

Then again, whoever said life was fair? If it was, Sakura would never have died at the peak of her life. What would have happened if she didn't die? Maybe then, Tomoyo and Syaoran would have gotten married, have a dozen of kids or so and Sakura would probably be married to that hospital of hers. She would never have said a word to either her cousin or cousin-in-law about her love for him. That would be for the best wouldn't it? At least, only one person instead of the two now would be suffering. 

Tomoyo knew it was selfish of her to think of things this way, but she couldn't help it. She just wanted so much to smile again; she hadn't cracked a smile since Sakura's death – nothing seemed amusing to her nowadays.

Tomoyo sighed – she'd never sighed so much in her life before – and knew it was no use sighing over everything now. All she could do was get Syaoran out of his present rut. There must be a way to do it, there must… 

***

Year 2003 

Syaoran eagerly pounded the doorbell to the Daidouji's home, his heart singing a happy song, 'She loves me, she loves me, she loves me…' When a minute later, still no one answered the door, his smile began to slip. Something was wrong; he could feel unease knotting his stomach now and perspiration breaking out on his forehead. Where was everyone? 

Syaoran jabbed the doorbell harder. 

Inside the house, Tomoyo stared at the letter in her hand in disbelief. It was probably the thousandth time she was reading it, but the words were just registering in her mind. Her 17 year old cousin had ran away from home, from her and from Syaoran. This was not happening! There was no way quiet, timid Sakura could do this! 

Tomoyo sat down hard on Sakura's teak chair in her room and closed her eyes. Everything about this was so impossible. Everything had a surreal tinge to it, nothing was quite real and tangible to her anymore. What was happening? 

Distantly, Tomoyo heard the insistent doorbell, but it wasn't penetrating the fog of surrealism surrounding her. Her cousin had ran away, why did that happen? How? 

Tomoyo unconsciously let go of the dratted letter and reached for the phone. Eriol. Eriol would know what to do. 

*** 

Year 2013

Eriol hit the rewind button for the millionth time and at the same thing wondered why he was doing this. He was a hard, cold, bitter man. He hated Syaoran to the core didn't he? Syaoran betrayed him didn't he? Then why was he making himself look at the video clip showing Syaoran's reaction when Sakura collapsed at his wedding? Then why was he feeling sorry for his former best friend and felt an inexplicable urge to make Syaoran live again? This was thoroughly confusing him. What he was feeling didn't click with what he wanted to feel and that made him angry with himself. 

A lot of his anger, Eriol realized, was directed at himself. Stop and play, Eriol sat back and watched the clip again. 

The person holding the camera had zoomed in on Syaoran's expression when the priest finished asking his question. Syaoran was silently looking at his beautiful bride, his expression seemed content, but Eriol saw the slight hesitation and uncertainty in his demeanor. Syaoran had to swallow, inhale deeply before giving his answer. Even then, just before he completed giving his two-word answer, his eyes flicked towards where the bridesmaid was standing and widened in horror and incredulity. That was a telling action. Syaoran was committing himself to the bonds of marriage and he was looking at Sakura – who wasn't his bride? 

Then Syaoran was pulling his hands free of Tomoyo's gloved ones and pushing her aside to get to Sakura. He caught Sakura before she completely crumbled to the floor. He was holding her incredibly tightly, trying to fuse his own strength into her, trying to protect her with his own body. He stared down at her pale face and shouted at the crowds to call the ambulance, his gaze never leaving Sakura's face. His fear was palpable, as was his desperation and confusion. He kept calling her name softly and urgently, his grip on her growing tighter and tighter. 

When the paramedics came and brought a stretcher for Sakura, they had to pry Syaoran's hands from her. When they loaded her onto the stretcher, Syaoran was there, watching over Sakura, looking for the entire world, like her husband. In the space of a few minutes, he changed from an anxious groom to a haggard, pale... husband. Yet amazingly, no one noticed his telling actions through all the confusion. 

Eriol watched thoughtfully as the paramedics, Sakura on the stretcher and Syaoran following right on their heels disappear off-screen, and made a decision he never thought he would make ever again in this life. He wondered briefly if he was insane and decided that his sanity wasn't the issue, Syaoran's was. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Long chapter and too lazy to write anymore. If you guys are kind and want quicker updates, please comment! ^_^ 


	16. Discovery & Subsequent Chase

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Discovery & Subsequent Chase**

  
Year 2003 

"Eriol?" Tomoyo's voice was unstable, and barely audible. But Eriol heard her and the threadiness of her voice made him sit up and took notice. 

"Tomoyo? What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong," he demanded urgently. 

"Sakura," Tomoyo's voice cracked and she had to stop. Taking a deep breath, she tried again. "It's Sakura. She's gone." 

"What do you mean she's gone? She can't be gone, it's impossible!" 

"But it is. She's gone, her suitcase is gone, her clothes, personal stuff are all gone. Even her passport's missing. All she's left behind are 3 letters – 1 for Syaoran, 1 for you and 1 for me." 

Eriol felt as if he'd just been shot. Sakura's gone. She's just... gone? But how could that be? Syaoran was on his way to clear the air with her. Everything should be just dandy now. Syaoran and her should be smiling and laughing at their silliness and insecurities. Why was this happening? Why was fate playing this cruel game with them? 

"Listen to me Tomoyo, you just sit tight. Don't call the police; don't do anything. I'll be right over, alright?" 

Tomoyo nodded, then realized that Eriol couldn't see her nodding over the phone and said, 'Yes," mechanically. Then, she placed the phone into its cradle and stared into space. She didn't realize that the doorbell was no longer ringing. 

A minute ticked by with Tomoyo just staring at the blank wall in shock. Then, a loud rapping at the window made Tomoyo nearly jumped out of her skin. 

Tomoyo twirled towards the window, hoping against hope that it was her cousin, back after she realized the childishness of her actions. But her tiny hope was crushed when she saw it was Syaoran. Syaoran was pointing towards the front door and Tomoyo nodded, knowing that he wanted to be let in. 

Tomoyo wondered briefly if Eriol had called Syaoran and told him what happened. But surely he couldn't be here so fast. Syaoran disappeared from the window when Tomoyo turned and trudged towards the front door. When she opened the door, Syaoran nearly barreled her down in his haste to get in. 

Syaoran didn't bother with the niceties. He rushed past Tomoyo and up the stairs, heading straight for Sakura's room. He slammed into her room and it took all of a split second before it registered Sakura wasn't anywhere in there. He didn't bother searching for her, but instead went back downstairs. 

He found Tomoyo in the kitchen, staring out the huge windows that stretched from ceiling to floor. 

"Where is she?" Syaoran realized his voice was hard and harsh with anxiety and forced himself to calm down. "Where is she?" he repeated his question, his voice gentled. 

Tomoyo didn't even spare him a glance. She continued looking out the window and it was a moment before she lifted her hand and pointed to the 3 letters sitting on the polished tabletop. 

Syaoran pounced on the table and easily picked out the letter bearing his name. He was ripping into the letter and reading the letter without a second to waste.

**_Syaoran,   
  
I really don't know what to say. This letter is my first and last, to you. After this, you'll never hear from me again. I'll never contact or see you again. I'm leaving Syaoran. I really don't want to, but I have to. For the sake of the four of us, it's better if I leave. Trust me on that. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't belong here, at this time. I don't know why I'm brought back, maybe to finally see that we are not meant for each other. I don't know, I don't think I'll ever understand why I'm brought back here. You probably think I'm crazy now, blabbering on and on about rubbish. I know you don't understand what I'm talking about, and neither do I. I know what happened to me, and if I told you what happened, you wouldn't believe me. So I'm not bothering.   
  
I'm not coming back ever, Syaoran, and don't bother coming after me, because you'll never find me. You can't track down a person who doesn't want to be found. It's impossible.   
  
Forget the girl you fell for because, she does not exist. She was just an illusion; she is not me. The Sakura you knew and the Sakura I really am are two completely different people. I'm sorry but I've been lying to you all this while, and I'm not sorry for it. Because you've made me the happiest girl alive these past weeks – everything that I've given up for you, put up with for you, done for you was worth it. I have never and will never regret knowing you or loving you, Syaoran.   
  
Saying sorry is inadequate, but other than that, I don't know what else to say. No goodbyes, Syaoran, I know you hate saying goodbyes.  
  
I love you,   
  
Sakura ._**

The last three words were blurred, like water had fallen on it and smudged it. "Tears," Syaoran thought, "Sakura's tears." This would be his last memory of her, the first woman he'd let down his guard enough to come to care for. How did this happen? He was coming here, looking forward to a happy reunion with her and yet, all he found was this letter, a miserable substitute for her. 

Sakura had given him the three words he'd wanted to hear and say in return to her, but he couldn't fully savored it because she wasn't there to hear his reply. 

Syaoran didn't give about who she really was. He knew she was a complex character and he knew he would never fully understand her. Sakura was mysterious, enigmatic. She only let you know as much as she wants you to know, no more, no less. Sakura was flamboyant, she was playful, and she was serious. She was a camper, a survivor. Syaoran had no doubts that she'll survive and thrive anywhere she decided to settle down. Syaoran also knew that even though she religiously wore makeup when she went out with him, she hated that stuff on her face even though she would just grin and bear with it. He knew that underneath those glam clothes, she was very simple. She wanted him happy and if he was happy, she was too. Another important thing he knew now was she loved him. What else did he have to know? 

She might be mistaken that he did not know the real, her, but Syaoran knew that there was no way he was so dumb that he fell for some Barbie doll without realizing that she was only a cover-up for some plain Jane hiding beneath the makeup. Syaoran loved Sakura because she was so alive, because her personality shone through her initial beauty. Syaoran had never denied that it was her beauty that enslaved him, but what kept him to Sakura was her intellect and witty quips. Why could he realize all that, and she none? How could someone be so smart yet so dumb at the same time? 

Syaoran slowly, gently put the letter down on the table. Stonily, he walked towards the front door, out the house and into his car. 

He didn't care how much money he spent, or how much time it took. He was going to find her, shake her senseless, and then never let her out of his sight ever again. 

The girl was a menace to herself. Syaoran was going to protect her from everything, including from herself, when he found her. Yes, when, not if, because he will find her.

***

The next two days, were a blur of activity. Syaoran contacted Private Investigators, called the airports to ask if anyone knew where Sakura was heading. He had several descriptions that fitted Sakura and three of them were heading for US, one for Singapore, two for Japan and one for England. He had the investigators on those women, while he called up his manager and manipulated him and the company into giving him a leave. He tripped all their guilt switches and made them offered to let him off for a month. 

Eriol was busy comforting his girlfriend and Sakura's astounded aunt and uncle. In between that, he was trying to convince them that Syaoran wasn't responsible for her disappearance, but it was difficult, since that was precisely what happened. 

On the morning of the third day, Eriol and Syaoran were at the airport. 

"You sure you want to do this?" Eriol asked his friend. 

Syaoran looked away from Eriol, out the window. "What would you have done if our positions were reversed?" 

Eriol nodded slowly, "Point taken." 

"I've never been surer about anything else in my life, Eriol. If I don't go after her now, I'll hate myself for the rest of my life. She was the best thing that happened to me, I can't let her go like that without a fight." 

Eriol smiled. "Go then, I'll take care of Tomoyo's and her family." 

"Thank you, for everything you've done for Sakura and me, I really appreciate it." Syaoran leaned forwards and hugged Eriol -- to Eriol's immense surprise. However, after his initial astonishment, he returned Syaoran's hug. 

"Good luck, Syaoran." 

Syaoran pulled back and bent down to pick up his duffel bag. "When I see you again, you can be sure Sakura will be with me." 

Eriol watched his friend disappeared into the sea of people and he sighed. He really hoped that what Syaoran said would come true. He prayed with all his heart that Syaoran would find Sakura. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: It took awhile, but I'm done. With school in the way, I'm surprised I was able to write this chapter. Anyways, I know this chapter was a little anti-climatic, but please bear with me and review-review-review! 


	17. Starting Afresh

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Starting Afresh**

  
Year 2003

He didn't find her. 

Syaoran came back from Japan after 1 and half weeks of intensive searching. Prior to that, he was in England and US looking for her. He couldn't find even a trace of her. It was as if Sakura fell off the surface of this earth. Like she never existed. 

Syaoran wasn't distraught; he was desolate. He was desperate. He did everything in his power, every single thing he could to find her, but why can't he? Where was she? She was merely 17 years old! How could she know how to cover her tracks so well? The entire situation was crazy! Syaoran was going crazy himself. 

Eriol and Tomoyo watched as Syaoran drank himself into a stupor everyday for 2 entire weeks. The media was going crazy over that. They made such a killing running cover stories about Hong Kong pop golden boy's slipups. They reported on his incessant drinking, his sloppiness, his rowdy appearance, his deteriorating language to reporters who attempted to interview him, his bad temper and everything negative they could get their hands on. 

Once Eriol had to rip out the film of one of the photographer who snapped a picture of Syaoran brawling with some guy. Eriol hated to see Syaoran like that. Tomoyo hated it as much as Eriol did and was more vocal about it. She nagged Syaoran day in and out and Syaoran avoided her like plague. One of the reasons why he avoided her was guilt that he couldn't find Sakura. He didn't know why Tomoyo didn't hate him for making Sakura run away, Syaoran knew that if their roles reversed, he would hate himself. 

Eriol never said a single word to Syaoran about not drinking to drown his sorrows because Eriol understood what it felt like to just want to throw everything out of your mind and just not feel anything, know anything. Eriol understood Syaoran's pain and knew that this was something Syaoran had control over and none of them could help or interfere. Unless of course that person happened to be Sakura. Tomoyo didn't give up though, she kept on pestering him until Eriol had to pull her away before Syaoran gave in to the primitive urge to strangle her so he could enjoy a moment's peace. 

"Sakura told me to take care of him, Eriol, that's what I intend to do," Tomoyo had told him when Eriol asked her why she was constantly on Syaoran's case. She would then look away from him and Eriol knew then that she had withdrawn from him. He would pull her closer and tighter and hear her sighed, "I miss her." 

Eriol never said anything when Tomoyo was in moods like this. He kept silent and gave her all the support she could possibly want. 

Two weeks after Syaoran resumed work, he finally sobered. 

Syaoran was lying on the bar, so drunk that he could barely lift his head when he vaguely heard laughter. Not normal laughter, but laughter like hers. Like Sakura's. His mind cleared immediately and he turned so fast in the direction of the laughter that he nearly fell off his chair. 

The girl who was laughing turned out to be someone else and Syaoran stared at the girl in futile anger. For the first time in days, he didn't felt guilt or desolation. All he felt was anger, pure, cleansing fury poured through his veins and circulated his body. He was suddenly, inexplicably angry with Sakura. 

Why was he torturing and punishing himself when Sakura was the one who made the mistake and ran from him? Why was he drinking himself into the ground if she was too cowardly to face up to her feelings for him? She was the one who ran! Not him! He didn't force her to run, he didn't even do anything except love her and give her some peonies. If she wanted to run because of that, because she couldn't take it, it was her choice. He'd tried to change what happened. He'd tried! 

Enough was enough. He wasn't going to ruin his own life for someone who didn't love him enough to stick around. He wasn't going to mourn for what could have been anymore. He was going to rebuild his life without her in it! 

That night, he'd stalked out of the bar, a man on a mission. He proceeded to turn his life upside down; Syaoran never touched liquor after that night. 

***

Year 2013 

Tomoyo was wearing a pair of dark shades when she walked into the café. She immediately saw him; she could recognize his trademark lounge a mile away. She was suddenly hesitant. The bright idea she had suddenly didn't seem so bright. "Now he turned up didn't he?" she thought, "That was something." 

Putting her chin up and shoring up her resolve, Tomoyo sauntered over to him, her hips gently swaying, garnering a few admiring glances from the males in the café and several envious stares.

She paused in front of him, "Hello Eriol." 

Eriol took his time acknowledging her. He took a sip from his aromatic coffee and slowly replaced the cup on the table. Then he looked up at her and gave her a polite smile that told her nothing about what his present emotional state was. Tomoyo hated this cool side of Eriol. She hated that he could be so detached when her heart was fighting its way out her chest. "Hello Tomoyo." A beat. "Sit." It was a command more than a request. But Tomoyo didn't care – she sat. 

The waiter came and took Tomoyo's order. When he went away, Tomoyo was staring down at the checkered tablecloth while Eriol surveyed her boldly. He noted the way her face had matured – time had been especially kind to her, she'd acquire a quiet dignity and regality, as she got older. Her body was even more womanly – if that was possible – than 8 years ago. If Eriol was honest, Tomoyo looked more than wonderful, more than gorgeous. There was something about her that never used to be there. She was serene. In her younger days, she fidgeted a lot and couldn't stay still, but now, she was still. Eriol knew she must be worrying her heart out, but she wasn't displaying or conveying that nervousness. 

"What do you want from me?" Eriol asked abruptly to stop himself from thinking such thoughts. 

Tomoyo looked up at him calmly. In a sudden flash on insight, Eriol suddenly realized that she was mimicking his calmness. Instead of being annoyed as he would with anyone else, he was… pleased. "I'm pregnant," Tomoyo's voice interrupted his thought process. 

For a moment, her words didn't register because it was so impossible, but when it did, Eriol sat there frozen. What was he supposed to say to that? What was the correct response? Congrats didn't seem in order though, so he settled for the second best emotion rioting through him – anger. 

"And why the hell is that my business?" he asked harshly, surprised that he even cared about her. 

Tomoyo took a fortifying breath before she took the irrevocable plunge, "Because I want you to be its father." That came out in a rush, but Eriol got the essence of it and for a brief moment, admired the girl's directness and guts. That was something she'd acquired along with age. Too bad he would have to shoot her down. 

"No," Eriol said leisurely, taking perverse pleasure in refusing her request. 

"You have to," she looked trapped in the role she'd set herself in. 

"I don't have to, particularly since the child's probably Syaoran's. Why would I want to acknowledge his son as mine? Do I have the word 'dumb' embossed across my forehead?" 

"Who the child's father is has nothing to do with the child," Tomoyo interrupted sharply. "I need a father for my baby and you're my first choice for a father. If you refuse, I'll just have to ask my second-choice. Many men are dying to go out with me, surely I can find one to marry me." 

"Who's the second choice?" A trace of jealousy had crept in unknown to Eriol. Somehow, it was important for him to know that since he's second choice after Syaoran, then he wanted to know who third choice is after both of them. 

"Wayne," Tomoyo admitted softly, staring down into her warm milk. 

The green-eye monster bit hard as jealous swarmed into Eriol. Everyone recognized Wayne by his first name. It was impossible not to. He was the single richest man in Hong Kong. 

"I'll do it!" Eriol barked out. He didn't know who was more surprised, Tomoyo or himself. But once the words were out, he felt… relieved. Leaning back, he smirked, noting her shock expression. 

"I- but I-" she stammered. Obviously she thought that he would refuse. If she was so sure he would refuse, why did she even ask in the first place? But Eriol had one question. Why did she consider him a candidate for parenthood? And first choice at that? She knew he wasn't a patient man, or a terribly considerate one, and she should know that he hates Syaoran. So why would she want to let him near Syaoran's child, wasn't she afraid that he might harm the child?

"I just want you to answer one question, why me? Why did you choose me? I might harm you and your child just to spite Syaoran, didn't you think of that?" Eriol's hands were clenched tight as he waited for her answer. 

She never hesitated, Tomoyo looked straight at him and smiled – a smile sad and wistful and trusting. A smile that pierced his heart. "You'd never do that. No matter how much you say you dislike Syaoran, you would never harm a helpless child or me. You're not a man to hold grudges no matter what you say. I know you, Eriol, and I know that if you hadn't already forgiven Syaoran and me, you would never have agreed to meet me here. I know you would take care and love my child," she stared meaningfully at him as she amended, "our child, as much, if not more than I do. If for nothing more because you love children and you know what it's like to grow up with parents who were too busy to care about you. You would never allow me to neglect our child. And because I trust you." 

Eriol sat back, amazed. She hadn't seen him in 7 years and yet… Eriol didn't think she ever knew that he wasn't a happy child, but obviously she noticed. Either that or she was making this up, trying to coerce him into agreeing. But… looking at her unruffled visage, he couldn't believe that she was lying through her teeth to him. She had given Eriol all the valid reasons that were true. Eriol didn't hate Syaoran anymore; he just neglected to tell Syaoran that himself. And even if he hadn't forgiven Syaoran, he would never revenge on a child, any child. At the thought of having his own family, Eriol actually felt like smiling. He knew that a family wasn't in his 5 yr plan, but now it seemed like a good idea. It wouldn't be so bad marrying Tomoyo, except… she was still in love with Syaoran. 

"You still love him don't you?" Eriol asked quietly. 

Tomoyo didn't look at him, she looked somewhere over his left shoulder and gave him a bittersweet smile. "It doesn't matter whether I still love him or not. I just know that we can't be together anymore and my child needs a father." 

Eriol looked at Tomoyo for a long time, not saying anything, finally, he decided on the biggest gamble of his life, "Yes, I'd do it, let's get married." If Eriol wins, he would have a happy family, and if he lost… Eriol didn't want to think about the scenario if he loses. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Thanks for the commments, please keep reviewing for faster updates. For those who want to know what was in the letter for Tomoyo and Eriol, well Tomoyo's was briefly explained in this chapter and I'll provide and interlude for Eriol's letter. You'll see how things will fit... ^_^ 


	18. Interlude

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Interlude**

  
Interlude (2003) 

The next 4 yrs of Syaoran's life's like a roller coaster ride – full of ups and downs. He made movies, cut albums, held concerts, ventured into business and attended functions with a different woman at his side each time. 

Tomoyo and Eriol didn't comment about it at first because Tomoyo thought he would grow out of it and Eriol thought he would get tired of revenging himself on someone who wasn't there to witness his revenge, but as time went by, and Syaoran didn't stop, they became worried. Still they didn't say anything because, what was there exactly to say? 

They stood quietly, while Syaoran and his current girlfriend smiled for the cameras. They watched as Syaoran efficiently conquered one girl after another and dumped them just as quickly as he acquired them. They were nothing more than toys to him; they weren't even a challenge. Those girls who played hard to hard, Syaoran turned on his legendary charm and dazzled them. He made them fall for him and then ruthlessly reject their advances. 

Tomoyo once tried to broach on the subject Sakura and Syaoran turned nasty. 

"Never, ever speak of her to me again! Never, did you get that?!" he actually raised his voice at her and his brown eyes had seemed like twin shards of icicles. 

Tomoyo never spoke of Sakura to him since that day. 

***

Sakura did go to Tomoeda, Japan, but she'd taken another plane from there to Tokyo. Within a month after she got to Tokyo, she found a job as a nurse in a hospital that paid pretty well and that offered boarding to her. Sakura wasn't happy there, how could she ever be happy without Syaoran? But she felt a peace she never experienced before. 

She regularly saw Syaoran on the cover of magazines and she collected each and every one of them. Even as she read about his life through the magazines, she knew she was torturing herself needlessly. She'd given him up willingly so why was she collecting every piece of info she could about him? 

Other then her penchant for collecting articles about Syaoran, Sakura led a completely normal existence – boring, but eventful. She managed to work her way through med school and got her practicing license. Initially, she shut herself completely off from the world, but even as she forgot about the world, the world didn't forget her. Her classmates and colleagues refused to leave her alone, they insisted on including her in all their activities and slowly, Sakura found herself smiling again, then laughing. Slowly, bit by bit, she became less depressed and more optimistic about life. Sometimes, she would forget that she didn't belong here, at this time. 

But there was one thing she never allowed herself to forget. She never forgot Syaoran and thought about him constantly. He was there in her thoughts when she woke up in the morning and he was there when she went to sleep at night. She missed him terribly and his exploits in the papers hurt her so much that the pain was almost physical. She wanted to go back to Hong Kong so badly and see him. Just one glimpse she tried to convince herself, but Sakura knew that she would never be contented with just one glimpse. 

The urge to see Syaoran, feel him and talk to him never left Sakura. It was a constant ache and it left a hole in her soul that only Syaoran could fill. 

Two years after she ran to Tokyo, Syaoran was there for a concert. Despite her resistance, Sakura attended it. The sight of him almost made her break down. She wanted so much to run up to him and just let him hold her in his arms. She wanted to wrap her arms about him and never let him go. She wanted to stay with him forever and ever... Then, she ran out of the stadium less than halfway through the concert because she couldn't bear the sight of him without throwing herself at him anymore. She'd proceeded to lock herself in her room during his four day stay there because Sakura was afraid of what she might do otherwise. 

Now, four years later, Sakura was going back to Hong Kong. She was still afraid of facing Syaoran, but her sister was getting married. Sakura owed it to Tomoyo that she turns up for the wedding. 

***

Eriol stared at the yellowing letter in his hands. It was the letter that Sakura had left behind for him four years ago. She'd stipulated that he not open the letter until today and he'd compiled even though there had been times when the urge to open the letter became overwhelming. 

**_Dear Eriol,  
  
By this time, you would have either broken up with Tomoyo or is marrying her. If the both of you are getting married, congrats and I think that you were incredibly brave to propose to her during your concert. I'm really happy for the both of you if you are getting married, if you're not, I'm sorry. Don't blame him for your separation because before my intrusion, things were supposed to happen that way.   
  
Either way, Eriol, I'm coming back._**

*** 

Interlude (2013) 

Tomoyo sat quietly in front of the dresser, staring calmly at her reflection in the mirror. She looked radiant today in her wedding dress. It was just a simple cream-colored dress, nothing as elaborate as the wedding gown she wore at the other wedding, at a wedding she rather not remember ever. The dress draped itself along her curves, showing off every asset Tomoyo had. There were no sequins, no nothing on it to catch attention. It was quietly stunning. Tomoyo loved it. 

And Eriol would love it too. 

Slowly, Tomoyo looked away from her reflection to the window. She couldn't see the ocean through the window, yet from here, she could hear the waves crashing on the sand in a rhythm that was hypnotizing. Eriol and her had decided to go out of Hong Kong to get married. He didn't want the fuss and Tomoyo didn't want to plan a elaborate wedding. She wanted them married as soon as possible. 

The sunlight filtered into the room at awkward angles and Tomoyo stared at them in fascination. She wondered what Syaoran was doing now, would he even notice that she was not in Hong Kong, or would he be too preoccupied with his memories and thoughts on Sakura. 

She lied to Eriol. She was never pregnant. She just needed someone to revenge herself on Syaoran and who better to do it with than Eriol. Tomoyo's mouth curved in a bitter smile. That wasn't true; she wasn't looking for revenge, if she was, she would have married herself to someone else, like maybe Wayne and destroyed Syaoran's hopes of her getting back together with Eriol. 

Yes, Tomoyo knew that was what he wanted and that was the one thing he cared about. She had known of his nocturnal visit to Eriol's house and she knew that he'd tried to tell Eriol that he was out of the picture and that if Eriol wanted reconciliation, it was highly possible. 

She had known because she had been there. After she ran from his house, she didn't go back home and cry as he thought she did. She stayed in her car, trying to calm herself down enough to think about what she should do next. Then, she'd seen Syaoran coming out of his house and had followed him out of concern for him. He'd looked so lost and pained that Tomoyo couldn't just go off and leave him alone. In essence, Tomoyo followed him to Eriol's house and heard what Syaoran said. Her heart – if it hadn't disintegrated before – does so now. To wonder if he really loved her was one thing; hearing conformation about it was another. 

Yes, Tomoyo's heart was broken, but more than anything, after she'd cried and mourned about it, she realized that the only thing that might get Syaoran back on his feet was to let him think that he hadn't completely ruin their lives. She had to prove to him that everything was salvageable. If Eriol and her got together, maybe, just maybe Syaoran wouldn't feel so much like a failure anymore. 

Maybe that would motivate him back to life again. Tomoyo hoped it was enough. 

Eriol stood at the doorway, silently studying his bride. She took his breath away; Eriol didn't think that such perfection could exist in this world. Tomoyo proved him wrong though. 

He had been standing there for some time now, just looking at her. She certainly wasn't hard on his eyes, in fact, Eriol could be perfectly happy to stare at her for the rest of his life. He wondered what she was thinking about now. 

He knew that she didn't love him yet, but he planned to make her fall in love with him. By hook or by crook, even if he had to tie ladders together to reach the sky so that he could pluck down the stars or moon for her, he would succeed somehow. 

But for now, Eriol hoped that his love for her could be enough. 

He never stopped loving her, which was why when Syaoran and Tomoyo got together, he felt so betrayed. Syaoran knew that Eriol was still in love with Tomoyo when they broke up, he knew! If he didn't love her still, he wouldn't have cared. All these years, Eriol buried himself in work because otherwise he would feel the loneliness seeping in again. Only until he worked himself into the ground could he sleep peacefully. When he was busy, he could forget that he had no other life other than his work. He successfully kept this up for the past 7 years, but he was glad to be given a chance to change that.

"What are you doing standing there so quietly?" Tomoyo's startled voice jerked him back to reality. 

He smiled at her and held out his hand to her, "It's time." 

Tomoyo stared down at his strong, capable hand and then back up at his waiting face. She sensed that the longer Eriol waited for her to accept his hand, the tenser he became. Tomoyo sensed that her putting her hand in his had significance to him. Slowly, Tomoyo stood up; she walked towards him and stopped directly in front of him. Eriol's gaze searched her face and his body relaxed when she smiled up at him. 

"Let's go then," she said, slipping her gloved hand into his warm one. Smiling, they both turned to the door. 

Fifteen minutes later, they were officially man and wife. 

As Eriol leaned forward to kiss his bride, he inhaled her intoxicating scent, a scent that was potently her. As his lips grazed her smooth cheek, he heard her whisper to him. 

"I'm not pregnant Eriol, I lied to you." 

Eriol slowly pulled back at looked down at her, a slight smile on his lips. He'd known that when he found a sanitary napkin in her purse when he was looking for tissue papers just now. "Why did you decide to tell me that?" His voice was decidedly gentle. 

There was a slight hesitation before Tomoyo replied, "Because you don't deserve to be lied to. You're a good man, Eriol and I-" 

"Shush," Eriol put his finger on her lips, his eyes shining brightly down at her. He was looking at her so tenderly... How could he not be angry when she'd just lied to get him to marry her.? Didn't he understand that she'd made use of him? "Nothing matters now." he told her, "we'll start afresh, you and me. We'll have our own children. I'll make you very happy, Tomoyo, I swear that to you. I don't care about what happened before, all that's in the past. I just want you to be happy in the future, you got that?" 

Tomoyo nodded in wonderment. Was this the same glacial man just a few days ago? Was the same man who'd hated her and Syaoran all these years? In this moment, when he was smiling at her like this, looking at her like this, it was hard to believe that he had any connection to that man. 

Hope blossomed in Eriol's chest when Tomoyo nodded than laughed up at him. He tucked her firmly to his side as they walked out the church hand in hand. The future definitely looked bright. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Long interlude, but that's a good thing, right? You see why I didn't mention Eriol's letter before now? Anyways, please tell me what you think and REVIEW because this way I'll update faster. Your comments motivate me! 


	19. Coming Home

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Coming Home**

  
Year 2007 

"How the could she have possibly known 4 years ago how I would propose to you?" Eriol showed the letter Sakura wrote to Tomoyo and was now pacing the room. He was agitated and amazed. How could she know? Was she some kind of a clairvoyant? 

Tomoyo was frowning something furious at the letter. "Who's he? What did she mean 'don't blame him for your separation because before my intrusion, things were supposed to happen that way'?" 

"I don't know who 'he' is, and in hope that I won't ever find out," Eriol said fervently. He stopped briefly to kiss Tomoyo on the cheek before he resumed his pacing. 

"Stop that, Eriol, you're wearing a hole in the carpet." She put down the letter. "Look, Sakura's coming back, we can ask her about how she knows about the way you would propose to me when she does. For now, let's worry about how Syaoran would react to this piece of news." 

Eriol groaned as he dropped into the seat beside Tomoyo. "We're going to be facing World War Three when he meets her face to face." 

"Precisely. And I intend to make him face Sakura, I intend to make him and her talk things out." 

Eriol stared at Tomoyo as if she were insane. "Do you know what you're suggesting? They're more liable to kill each other! That won't work at all, don't do it, Tomoyo." 

Tomoyo snuggled closer to Eriol, "I have to, he still loves her, I know it, you know it, and he just has to calm down to realize it. When he sees her, he's not likely to calm down, we have to create a situation where they are stuck with each other so often that they have to interact. Hopefully, Sakura can push him far enough so that he'll break down and scream at her. After venting his spleen, they can then make up and live happily ever after. I can also have my cousin and best friend back." 

Eriol hedged. "That sounds wonderful, but it won't work." 

Tomoyo glared up at the pig-headed man she loved with all her heart, "And why is that so?" 

"Because," he explained patiently, as if speaking to a mentally challenged child, "he would take one look at her and walk out. He wouldn't stay in the same room as her, so how the heck are they supposed to converse? And if you try to force him to do what he doesn't want to do, he'll frustrate the heck out of you, by being chillingly polite, politically correct," Eriol looked frustrated. "You don't want to mess with him." 

"Don't I?" Tomoyo smiled sweetly up at Eriol. 

Eriol groaned. He knew, just knew that she was up to something. He devoutly hoped that her plans didn't involve him. He liked his head just where it was; he had no doubt that Syaoran would have his head if he found out he was somehow involved in Tomoyo's schemes.

*** 

Just across the sea, a lone girl dressed in a simple white blouse and pink skirt were boarding the plane. She was going back, going back to face whatever was there for her. 

This time, she was back for good. 

Sakura wasn't running anymore. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: I know this is a short chapter, but I NEED MORE REVIEWS! *pants* If you want to know what's going to happen next, I expect more comments. Besides, things are getting exciting! How do you think Syaoran would react to Sakura coming back? And Sakura isn't the meek girl who willingly gave up on Syaoran several years ago; she's changed. When she ran away 4 years ago, it's because she felt she was interfering with destiny and fate. She knew instinctively that the time wasn't right for her and Syaoran. She had messed things up enough and the only way to redeem herself was to go far away. Now, she was going to fight for the man she's always loved. She's given them enough time and now's the time to claim her prize! Let's see how Syaoran reacts! Remember more, more, more reviews! I love them all. 


	20. Too Late?

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Too Late?**

  
Year 2007 

Sakura was tired. She was exhausted from the long flight and all she wanted to do was sleep. Yet, at the same time, her heart was jumping all over the place. She wanted to jump into a taxi and head straight for Syaoran's house and tell him that she's back, and she's back for him. 

But she didn't. Because Sakura wasn't sure if she'd find him alone or with some voluptuous model he's currently involved with. She knew all about his scandalous affairs, and even though it breaks her heart to know that he apparently didn't cared about her, she was still going to fight for him. He'd once loved her enough to hand pick peonies for her, Sakura believed that a love like that couldn't just be switched off and discarded. 

Syaoran was human after all, and humans had feelings. He could be taught to love again and Sakura would do that. She was still scared of failing, but she was a grown-up now, both physically and mentally, more mentally than physically, but that's not the point. The point is, she's not going to give up that easily this time. She meant to make Syaoran realized that he still had feelings for her, or die trying. She didn't deny that it was going to be very difficult, but nothing is ever easy. 

Expelling an impatient and tired breath, Sakura walked out of the airport, her one-piece luggage in tow and flagged a taxi. It was her own fault. If she'd called before hand, Tomoyo would have been here at the airport to form a one-person welcome committee for her. But she hadn't because she wasn't certain how Tomoyo would react to her coming back. Sakura was dreading meeting her cousin again; she was going to have to do loads of explaining, and right now, she wasn't up to it. 

"Where to?" the driver asked after he helped her put her luggage into the trunk. Sakura didn't hesitate, she gave the driver Tomoyo's address. 

***

Tomoyo was jerked out of a dreamless sleep by the incessant buzzing of the doorbell. She yawned mightily and stretched, trying to clear her mind of the fog that had settled while she slept. "Who could it be" Tomoyo wondered as she stood up languidly and headed for the door. 

Her jaw dropped when she saw how it was. 

"Sakura?" she exclaimed, stunned. It took a moment before it registered, "Sakura!" Sakura found herself enfolded into an embrace and facing a beaming and obviously ecstatic friend who didn't immediately launch into interrogation. "I can't believe that you're really here!" 

Sakura laughed self-consciously as Tomoyo dragged her, luggage and all, into her living room. "Well, you better believe, because I'm back for good." 

Tomoyo quickly ushered an overwhelmed Sakura into an overstuffed couch and went to fetch her a drink, leaving her to stew. Sakura was totally unprepared for this situation. Here she was, sitting in Tomoyo's cozy living room, facing a murky future and a stigma from her past. Sakura wondered briefly if this was a smart choice. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it, because Tomoyo was soon back and bearing down at her with an ice tea in her hand. 

She didn't say anything as she watched Sakura sipped the ice tea uneasily, shooting her troubled glances. Tomoyo waited a long while before saying anything; she was thoroughly enjoying Sakura squirming uneasily in her seat. She deserved it after abandoning them all four years ago without a by your leave. She made her mistake even worse when she didn't even call or write to assure them that she was at least safe. It was a totally selfish act and Tomoyo would have her hide for it – later. Now, she wanted to know how Sakura has been, why she was back after disappearing for four long years.

"So," even with her voice pitched low, she startled Sakura. "Why did you come back?" 

Sakura tried to hide behind a serene facade, "I-" 

Tomoyo didn't wait for her to complete her sentence; she answered her own question. "It couldn't be because you missed me, because you never wrote once while you're gone. You could be here for Eriol and my wedding, but that's only because you can see Syaoran again. Oh, but wait, I forgot. You ran away from him. You don't want to see him. So, do tell, why exactly are you back now?" Now that Tomoyo saw that Sakura was obviously alive and kicking, anger was setting in after the obvious relief. 

Seeing Sakura seated not four feet away from her, dressed in a relaxed pink skirt and comfortably fitted blouse, her hair pulled into her two signature pigtails and her face devoid of makeup which made her seem all the more pale and vulnerable, Tomoyo was simmering in anger that she had suppressed for four years. Tomoyo studied her cousin dispassionately, and saw that Sakura had changed since she last saw her. There seemed to be a sort of sage wisdom in her emerald eyes, a look that made her seemed older and more worldly and tired than her 22 years. Sakura looked worn and battered, but, by the way she held herself, Sakura wasn't the shy young girl, but a woman who been through hell and came back stronger than before, none the worse for wear. There was strength behind the vulnerability now. 

"I'm sorry, Tomoyo. Not because I ran away because I knew I didn't have a choice then, I had to go away. I knew you wouldn't understand, and I didn't expect you to. But I apologize for not writing to you to assure you I am fine. I knew that if I had sent you a letter, you wouldn't stop hounding me until you had me back here, where you want me to be, and I can't be here. I know that you are furious at me for running away, I know that's how it seems, but it's not, Tomoyo. It's more complicated than that. But all that doesn't matter, I'm back now to stay and that's all that matters, isn't it?" Sakura's explanation was calm; she met Tomoyo's gaze head on and didn't look away even when she finished. Tomoyo was right. Sakura had changed, drastically. 

But knowing that, didn't make Tomoyo less angry. In fact, it fueled Tomoyo's anger than Sakura could be so 'clinical' about it, so cold. "It matters, Sakura!" Tomoyo barely suppressed the need to shout at her cousin, "You can't just go away for no reason for an extended period of time, no letters, no calls, no nothing, then come back and expected to be welcome back with open arms. You can't come back now and expect us to treat you as before, like nothing was changed, because something, everything very well has!" 

"I don't expect you treat me as before, like a little girl who has to be protected from life at all cost. I don't expect you to welcome me back with open arms and clap me on my back for what I've done. I didn't even expect you to invite me into your house, sit me down, offer me drinks and then demand an explanation. I'd expected you to slam the door in my face, but you didn't, and you might not believe it, but I'm truly grateful. All I'm trying to tell you is, don't ask me why I did what I did four years ago, because there's really no point since you wouldn't believe me anyway. But I can tell you why I've come back now," Sakura smiled her first genuine smile then, "I've come back for you and Eriol, as much as for myself. I've come back for Syaoran." 

***

Eriol mentally ticked off the number of tequilas Syaoran had that night and decided, with a look at his friend's sober mien that however much it was, it wasn't enough. Rising his hand in a signal to the bartender, Eriol ordered another round for them. Already, he was starting to feel the effects setting in and he knew that he would have a great hangover tomorrow. He hoped that Tomoyo would appreciate what he was trying to achieve here. 

"What are you trying to achieve by forcing liquor down my throat?" Syaoran's amused voice disrupted Eriol from his thoughts. Eriol nearly groaned aloud; he thought that he wasn't so obvious about it, obviously he was wrong.

"What do you mean? I'm going to be a married man very soon, and I just thought that I should savor my bachelor days before they're officially over. You should be grateful that I'm even here, otherwise, you'll probably be all alone at home, nursing a whisky, working on yet another script. Admit it, I saved you from a boring evening." 

Syaoran rolled his eyes to show Eriol what he thought of his explanation, "Yeah right, all you saved me from was a date with a beautiful model. You know very well that I don't work during Saturdays. Now, don't waste anymore of my weekend, tell me what you want." 

"Can't two best friends just hangout together anymore?" 

That earned Eriol a glare before Syaoran reluctantly smiled. "Okay, so you just want to spend time with an old friend?" 

"Actually, I do have something to tell you," Syaoran slanted Eriol a triumphant glance and Eriol studiously ignored it. "It concerns Sakura." 

Syaoran's good humor vanished and he abruptly stood up and started to walk away. Eriol's hand clamped over Syaoran's, "Listen to me, she's back." Eriol's voice was strong with quiet heat. Syaoran slowly turned back to Eriol and it wasn't until Eriol saw his eyes that he let go of Syaoran's arm. His eyes took on such heat that it scorched Eriol. Eriol took a step back from Syaoran. 

"The only reason I haven't plant my fist into your nose is that fact that you're my best friend. I can't guarantee I would exercise such restrain the next time you violate our friendship again, Eriol," Syaoran warned in silky tones. 

"For goodness sake, Syaoran, why are you taking this so hard? You said she doesn't mean a thing to you anymore, then why in the world are you reacting as if I punched you everytime I mentioned her name? If she doesn't mean a thing to you, why are you so worked up just because I mention she's coming back?" 

Syaoran turned around completely, and with a chilly smile, calmly smashed his fist into Eriol's nose. The sound of flesh connecting with bone was loud and Eriol staggered backwards, holding his nose, "You broke my nose!" He stared at Syaoran through a haze of red in disbelief. "Are you crazy?"

Syaoran shrugged, "I warned you," and walked away, leaving Eriol before, staring at him. 

Syaoran was shaken by what he just did. He didn't mean to punch Eriol; it was as much a surprise to him as it was to Syaoran. Before he knew it, his rage overwhelmed all reason and the damage was already done. He didn't know why her name still made him boil, but it did. And the news that she was coming back didn't sit well with him at all. He was furious at that news, and the bitterness he felt threatened to choke him. There was something else too, something like… regret. 

"I have nothing to regret!" he told himself harshly, "I wasn't the one who ran away, she was! If anyone should regret anything, it was her! I didn't do anything wrong." But what Eriol said back there touched a raw nerve. Why was he so upset that she was back? If she truly meant nothing to him it wouldn't have bothered him if she were dead or alive. If she meant nothing to him, he wouldn't wonder constantly where she was and how she's surviving. It made him angry every time these questions popped up in his mind, but it wasn't something he could control. Syaoran could control every other aspect of himself except for this. He just couldn't exorcise her image from his mind.

Every woman he's dated, no matter their race, their height, their size, invariably reminded him of Sakura. Every time Syaoran closed his eyes, the woman in his arms would become Sakura for him. Every time he was out of the country for promotion, he would catch himself searching to crowds for Sakura, hoping against hope that he didn't even know he had, that she was in the crowd, watching him, wanting him as much as he wanted her. As soon as Syaoran realized what he was doing, he would turn away in disgust at himself. It was an illness, his obsession with her. 

Yet, even as a small part of him missed her, a bigger part of him couldn't forgive her for what she'd done to them. He'd given her everything he had and she had flung all that back in his face when she fled Hong Kong. It didn't matter how much Syaoran missed her because Syaoran was a firm believer in giving people only one chance, and Sakura had hers. Syaoran didn't allow people to hurt him more than once. 

"That is why," he told himself grimly, "it didn't matter whether she's come back or not. Because to me, she doesn't exist anymore." 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Hey look, a longer chapter! I guess that's saying much, eh? Anyways, sorry for the all these gloomy twists, but it wouldn't be a story without them, right? And I apologize for the violence in this chapter, Syaoran was a little rational... Well, I thank you all who reviewed! Please keep on commenting, hehe. 


	21. Revelation

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Revelation**

  
Year 2017

Eriol wasn't a difficult man to love. 

He remembered her birthdays and their anniversary and he could always tease her out of a black mood. Once Eriol set his mind to be charming and tender and gentle and playful, Tomoyo didn't stand a chance at all. She tried distancing herself, she tried denial, in truth Tomoyo tried everything but Eriol was impossible to resist. Eriol was about as insignificant as the sun. Every time a teasing glint came into his eyes, Tomoyo would brace herself for a blast of his sharp wit that would inevitably made her want to laugh, yet at the same time groan in despair. Every time he touched her, or stare at her heatedly, Tomoyo could feel her resolve melting and her mind rebelling. 

Everything she knew as a woman warned her against falling for this man because she knew that he only pitied her. He didn't love her at all and it would be folly to love someone who didn't love you. Tomoyo had one such experience with Syaoran and she didn't intend to repeat that mistake with Eriol. She was determined to keep her distance but every instinct she possessed as a woman told her that this man she was trying to resist was her husband. That she should stop fighting the inevitable and give in. She knew she was going to fall under his spell ultimately, so why try so hard to deny the truth? She was his wife for goodness sake and it was only right that she love him. 

"But he doesn't love me!" Tomoyo tried to scream back at the small voice urging her to give in to what is meant to be. *He doesn't love me and I'm not going to trip over myself by falling in love with him. Eriol wouldn't want me to love him either! Why complicate a perfectly sound relationship?" 

"Eriol respects you now, don't be an idiot and confuse everything with your feelings. Keep this a straightforward relationship and you'll save yourself a heartbreak! The rules are set now, follow them!" Tomoyo told herself sternly. 

Her behavior, which she assumed was what Eriol wanted, was instead driving him up a wall. Eriol was convinced that the woman he'd married was blind. The entire world could see that he was a man desperately in love with his wife and the only person who didn't see that was Tomoyo herself. He did everything he could to show her that she mattered a lot to him but she thought that he was trying to be nice and polite! How dense could she get? 

Eriol was angry enough to spit. 

The only thing urging him on was the knowledge that Tomoyo didn't love Syaoran anymore. That was what was pushing him on. Eriol didn't know how long he could go on before he wringed his ignorant wife's neck. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he knew that she wouldn't believe him. She was stubborn as a mule and she wouldn't believe anything he said until she wanted to. 

Eriol sighed angrily. There were so many women around, why did he have the bad luck to fall for this particular one? 

***

Year 2007 

"I've come back for Syaoran." Sakura had said, and as soon as those words registered in Tomoyo's mind, joy and hope exploded in her heart before reality crashed into place. Syaoran no longer wanted Sakura. 

Tomoyo kept her expression neutral, "I don't think this is such a great idea." 

Sakura frowned. What was Tomoyo talking about? "I don't understand." Sakura said slowly. 

"It's irrelevant for you to know," Tomoyo didn't bother to explain. 

"Why?" This didn't make a lick of sense to Sakura. 

"He doesn't even want any reminder of you, Sakura. He says that you're dead to him now. Seeing you again might just trigger something he's been trying to hide and frankly, I think we all hope it stays hidden," Tomoyo saw pain flared briefly in Sakura's eyes before she could conceal it. Tomoyo couldn't help feeling sorry for her. 

"I know, it's weird don't you think? He claims that you don't matter to him anymore and yet you matter enough to actually make him cringe at the sight of any Sakura flower." 

Sakura smiled, "That's not strange at all, Tomoyo. It just means that he still loves me, I never doubted that." 

"Not even when you read news of him involved with all those actresses and models?" Tomoyo asked, curious to hear what Sakura would say to that. 

Sakura nodded, and answered matter-of-factly, "He's confused. He doesn't know what he wants or needs. I do and I'm going to make him see it." 

Tomoyo burst out laughing, her anger at her cousin slid off her shoulders as if it never existed. Tomoyo had no doubt whatsoever that Sakura could do what she said she would do. This wasn't a kitten that would be facing Syaoran down; it was a tigress. 

Sakura found herself smiling back at her sister even though she had no earthly idea what Tomoyo found so hilarious about her announcement. This was relatively good start to her quest, Sakura decided. She'd emerged from obstacle number one unscathed. Briefly, she wondered how long her spurt of good luck would last. 

"Tell me, where have you been these last few years?" Tomoyo asked, now relaxed and ready to listen to Sakura. 

Sakura didn't even have a chance to begin before the doorbell interrupted. Tomoyo glanced irritably at the door, muttering under her breath about intruders in the middle of the night and then with a sigh, heaved herself out of her seat and went to investigate who it was at her door. 

A moment later, Sakura heard a loud gasp from Tomoyo and immediately rushed to Tomoyo's side to see if she needed any help. It turned out that the only one who needed help was the man standing at the door with a bruised nose that'd swelled to twice its former size. 

Even then, there was no denying who it was. 

Eriol had to smile over Tomoyo's fussing of him. She was alternately scolding him and worrying about his nose. He tried to assure her that no permanent damage was done, that it probably looked worse than it really was. But she was too upset to listen to him and he had no choice but to let her tend to him. 

A movement at the entrance of the living room caught his eye and Eriol turned his head slightly to see what it was. He immediately froze, disbelieving what his eyes told him. "Tomoyo," he thought he sounded incredibly calm considering what he was currently facing. "She's here." He meant it as a question, but somehow, it came out as a statement. 

Tomoyo didn't even look at who Eriol referred to, but merely said, "Yes, she's staying here with us Eriol," she announced that as if it were an everyday thing that her errant cousin came back after a four year hiatus in who-knows-where. Then, more heatedly, she asked him, "Who did this to you? Who did you fight with, Eriol?" 

"What's wrong with everyone?!" Eriol shouted. This was too much for a man to take in for a night. First he was punched, and then he arrived home to find the girl his best friend refused to acknowledge he loved in his house, and that wasn't the end. No, it was as if someone was playing a mindless game with him and wouldn't be satisfied with the previous ending. All he needed was just that, Tomoyo decreeing that her cousin would stay with them. 

Tomoyo really was senile; didn't she know that Syaoran would murder them all? 

"Who did this to you?" she repeated evenly, staring up at him, her eyes telling him just how angry and worried she was. Eriol grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her, not hard enough to hurt her, but enough to rattle her. 

"She's not staying here, Tomoyo, do you hear me? She's not going to stay with us!" Eriol roared and then released Tomoyo. He turned to Sakura who was looking at him without a trace of emotion on her face. But her stance indicated that she would seriously do him bodily harm if she thought that he was a threat to Tomoyo. Eriol then realized what he was thinking. Little Sakura hurting him? Looking at her now, he could see a core of steel in her and he knew that she wasn't the girl she used to be. She was a fighter now. She wouldn't suffer in silence now. 

"What do you think you'll achieve by coming back now?" Eriol asked aggressively, after all this was the girl who changed Syaoran when she decided to take the coward's way out. "You shouldn't have disappeared on us four years ago, but you did. And since you decided to run away, why come back now? Haven't you hurt Syaoran enough, Sakura? Do you know he's changed so much because of you? Do you know why he is always with a different woman? It is only because he wouldn't let himself be emotionally vulnerable to one woman because he's afraid he'll be betrayed again like you betrayed him! He gave you everything he believed was good in him and you threw that all away. You belittled his emotions – emotions that he's locked up inside himself and given no one except you. I've never seen him so crazy over anyone, never. You've hurt him really deeply, Sakura." 

"His mother couldn't have done it better, congratulations Sakura." Eriol finished bitterly. 

Sakura was alert now. She knew he was on the verge of something big. Even when Syaoran treated her as his confidant in the other life, he never talked about his family; Sakura knew next to nothing about his parents, she didn't even know whether he had any siblings. At his and Tomoyo's wedding, only Tomoyo and Sakura's parents had attended, none of Syaoran's had turned up for it. Obviously, Eriol knew what happened between Syaoran and his family and Sakura intended to find out. She sensed that somehow, if she could find out what happened to Syaoran and his mother, she could understand the obtuse man better and maybe it could help her win him back. 

"I'm not Syaoran's mother, I would never deliberately hurt Syaoran. You know I love him, Eriol." Sakura said carefully. She knew instinctively that she couldn't ask Eriol outright about Syaoran and his mother because Eriol would never tell her willingly. Even though Sakura hated manipulating people, she had a knack for it. She knew all the right buttons to push and now, she was pushing Eriol's buttons. 

Eriol snorted in disbelief. "I don't know that, Sakura. You think he wasn't hurt when you ran away like a scared rabbit four years ago? He searched all over for you; he gave up his work to look for you lady! And his work was his entire life because it was proof that he wasn't worthless. His success in the showbiz was everything in his life until you came along. Then you were his life. Do you have any idea how proud Syaoran was of you and his career? He thought he'd finally proved his mother wrong, but it turned out that his mother was right after all! 

"She has told Syaoran twice, he was a nobody. Syaoran wasn't an orphan, but he might as well be. His parents weren't married when they had him. His mother detested him and never acknowledged him as her son. She blamed Syaoran for the reason why his father left her. His mother didn't even look at him, she just pushed the responsibility of raising Syaoran to the servants." 

"Growing up, Syaoran tried everything he could to please his mother who wasn't even aware of his existence. He did everything he could to gain his mother's attention. When Syaoran was seven, he begged an old servant to teach him how to whittle. He suffered numerous cuts on his hands when the knife slipped and cut him instead of the wood, but Syaoran never complained. He believed wholeheartedly that he could bribe his mother into loving him. 

"But when he presented the gift to his mother, that heartless woman looked at it and laughed out loud. He then showed Syaoran what her legitimate children gave her – an ivory necklace. She then proceeded to tell a seven year-old Syaoran that no matter what he did, he wouldn't be able to wash her shame away. The truth was that Syaoran is a worthless, and no matter how good he became, that stigma would be with him always and no woman would want him, because he wasn't worthy. He wasn't worthy enough for anyone to love; his own parents couldn't love him, how could anyone else? But poor Syaoran..." Eriol's voice was trembling with rage. 

"Syaoran believed his mother. He believed himself unworthy of anyone's love and he didn't try to please his mother anymore. When he was 16, Syaoran left and came here to strike out on his own. When I befriended him, he was wary as ever and it took me nearly two years to open him up, to make him trust me enough to confide in me. But you destroyed everything, Sakura. You destroyed the self-esteem that he painstakingly built, and his trust. You undid everything that he achieved since he left his mother. When you entered his life, I thought that he could finally be happy. I thought you could prove him that his mother was wrong, but instead you showed him how true his mother's words were. You proved to him that he wasn't fit to be loved by anyone. You deserve a pat on the back, Sakura, for what you've done to him. Have you come back to finish the job?" 

It was as if she was physically hit by every word Eriol uttered. Her horror mounted with each revelation. She didn't know… How could she have known? She didn't know that Syaoran was abandoned as a baby. She didn't know he had such a difficult childhood. She didn't know that his mother was such a scornful woman. How could she not love Syaoran? Sakura tried to imagine the pain Syaoran must felt when his mother rejected his love and laughed in his face that Syaoran dared to even think his mother would one day love him. 

She felt fury welling up in her; she wanted to kill the woman. How dare she treat Syaoran like that? Syaoran must have been a wonderful child, he must have been a good little boy and confused and scared too. Sakura could just imagine all the things Syaoran have done to gain his mother's love. He would never have disobeyed his mother, he wouldn't have argued with him. The woman couldn't have possibly been human! Syaoran was her child, how could she not care about him? How could she belittle Syaoran's love? 

"You did that too. You thought you knew what was best for him; you thought you knew him better than he knew himself. All you thought about was yourself. From the time you were transported here, everything you did was for yourself, have you spared a thought for him?" a voice asked. Sakura shook her head, trying to push the voice away. 

"You ran away because you thought he didn't know if he truly loves you, you belittled his feelings for you. And now you're cursing his mother because she rejected Syaoran's feelings? At least she never gave Syaoran the illusion that she loved him, you did. You didn't love him enough; you love yourself more than you love him. You thought that just because you didn't tell him you love him all these years you were a saint, but the fact is, you're not! You're didn't trust him to know what he felt! You've been lying to yourself all these years, telling yourself that you knew what was best for him. Have you considered his feelings? Eriol's right; you're no better than Syaoran's mother, worse in fact! The woman never lied to him, you did!" Sakura clutched her head, wanting to shout a denial, but knowing that there's no point. It was the truth; she had been utterly selfish. 

At that moment, she hated herself, she hated herself more than she hated anyone in the world, including Syaoran's mother. And that hatred cleansed her. She knew where she'd gone wrong four years ago. She knew where she'd gone wrong in the other lifetime. She had been wrong all along. But now, she won't make the same mistake again. 

In that moment, she knew what was missing in her relationship with Syaoran all along. Trust. He trusted her; the fault lies with her. She didn't trust him. Now she does. Sakura couldn't stop the ache inside her; she'd made the man she loved suffer because she didn't trust him. Why has she been so stupid?

"I came to apologize, Eriol, but it seemed like another punch is in order," the pain intensified, mixing with the yearning that his voice conjured. Both emotions slammed hard into Sakura as his tranquil voice washed over her. 

The three occupants in the house turned simultaneously towards the door and stared at the man standing in the shadows. The man radiated barely suppressed anger and menace. 

Sakura swallowed her regrets, her self-directed anger, her pain and longing, and most of all her tears. "Hello Syaoran," she stepped closer to him and smiled up at him. 

Sakura was trusting him now and she hoped it wasn't too late.

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Thank you all who commented! I've been totally busy, I don't even know where to begin with my week so I won't. *wink* But please, more comments! Another thing is, I'm planning the outline of another S+S story when this finishes but it'll be in a form of a journal and I need someone to write either Sakura's or Syaoran's part. If any of you sound interested, tell me in your review and I'll check your writing out! Oh, by the way, I know that Syaoran's mother loves and adores him, but this is an AU story, I hope no one takes offense. I just wanted to clarify that. (I know many of you have questions regarding the story, and I will answer them all. I'll be writing a chapter at the end that will explain, hopefully, all your inquires!) 


	22. Collision

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Collision**

  
Year 2007 

Syaoran didn't even look at Sakura. He walked straight past her and headed for Eriol. The look he was giving Eriol was chilling and it promised retribution. Eriol didn't even flinch at the forbidding expression on Syaoran's face. He had had enough. He wanted this resolved and he wanted it resolve now. Four years of suppressed emotions were four years too long.

"You want to take another swing at me, Syaoran," he said deliberately, "go ahead. But don't expect me to take the insult passively now." 

The chill was gone now in Syaoran's eyes and replaced with the fires of hell. Eriol kept his gaze steady on his friend as he advanced on him. 

"There will be no fighting tonight," Tomoyo said firmly as she effectively blocked Syaoran's path. She planted herself right in front of her boyfriend and glared at both of them. "I want my husband functioning properly on my wedding night." 

Syaoran was a hairsbreadth from Tomoyo, "Please get out of my way, Tomoyo. I don't want to have hurt you. As for the wedding night, you just have to postpone it."

"No," the quiet protest came from behind Syaoran. There was no indication that Syaoran heard her except for the slight stiffing in Syaoran's stance. "I'm the one you're angry with, not Eriol. Leave him out of this. If you want to vent your anger at someone, then do it at me." Sakura was looking up at Syaoran, her eyes boring into Syaoran's back, willing Syaoran to turn around and face her. This confrontation between them was long overdue. 

Syaoran refused to turn around to face the petite figure. He knew that if he looked at her, his carefully erected armor would lay in shreds around him soon. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, Syaoran knew that she still possessed that kind of power over him even now, after four long years. 

The longer Syaoran took to react, the faster and harder Sakura's heart pounded until it seemed to her as if her heart were going to beat right out of her chest. The silence between the four of them were deafening, with everyone staring at Syaoran expectantly and Syaoran stubbornly refusing to look at any one of them. 

"Coward!" Eriol muttered angrily under his breath, utterly disgusted by his friend's weak behavior. He grabbed hold of Tomoyo's hand and tugged her into the living room, leaving Sakura and Syaoran alone in the small alcove. He gently pushed Tomoyo through the doorway first and before he disappeared into the living room, he turned back to Syaoran. 

"Do me a favor, Syaoran, and face this like a man. Enough is enough; stop behaving like you are the only one in this world suffering. So you've had a bad childhood and your girlfriend ran out on you; worse things could have happened. And now that she's back, either you turn her away and live out the rest of your cold, lonely life never knowing why she ran from you, or you could listen to her explanation and then walk out of here, knowing that the ghosts that have been following you around for 4 years have been exorcised. Take your pick and stop dwindling." That said, Eriol disappeared through the doorway. Syaoran stared after his friend, wanting to strangle his friend, and yet found himself pondering about his words. 

Had he been hiding all these years from emotions he didn't know he still possessed? Was he still bitter about his parents despite his claims on the opposite? 

Suddenly to Sakura, the distance between her and Syaoran seemed unbearably long. There was a chasm between them and Sakura didn't know how to reach out to him. She stared at him, racking her brain for something, anything to say to him, but came up with nothing. She had given him the olive branch and it was up to Syaoran to react next. If he walked out of here, Sakura knew that all would be lost. She would have been dead to him. She was counting on some explosive reaction, any indication to show that she still matter enough for a reaction. 

Syaoran turned and faced her abruptly, his face devoid of emotions and his eyes, those brown eyes of his, were masked, unreadable. Unable to help herself, Sakura took a step forward, bringing herself closer to Syaoran. Syaoran didn't retreat; surely that was a good sign? 

The silence stretched on as both parties surveyed each other, noting the years etched in each other's faces. Sakura thought that the faint lines fanning out from Syaoran's eyes were charming, but his eyes looked too lost, like he was missing something in his life, something that he'd lost and found, only to lose it again. Age had given him an air of experience and astuteness. His jaded view of this world was reflected in the slight twist of his sensual mouth – the sneer that so many teenage girls found so irresistable. Sakura wanted to reach up and smooth away the sneer from his handsome face. She wanted to see him smiling at her again. She would give her right arm and leg to see him smiling, genuinely smiling again. 

Syaoran thought Sakura looked exhausted, like she's been through so much that she was ready to lie down and sleep forever. Her eyes looked so worn and old, wary. Where was the shine and enthusiasm he always saw in her eyes before? What had she done to make herself look so haggard? 

"Where were you?" his voice seemed harsh after such long silence. For a while, Sakura could just stare at him, savoring the fact that he was speaking to her again. Sakura took a breath to steady herself. 

"I was in Japan. Tokyo, Japan. I finished med school there and I'm a practicing doctor now," Sakura's voice turned husky and vibrated with emotions, "I've missed you, Syaoran." 

Syaoran expelled a breath along with a string of vulgarities. "The Syaoran you know is dead; the boy I was is no longer existent. He died when you left. I'm a different Syaoran now. And do not," Syaoran's voice turned silky soft, "lie to me." 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: What do you think of this chapter? Thanks for the reviews everyone, I really appreciate them. Remember to do the same for this chapter too, ok? *grins* Thanks... Alright, that's all for now! 


	23. The Promise

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**The Promise**

  


Reality crashes  
A vast yawning void stretches on  
I close my eyes and choke on loneliness  
Love,  
I realized,  
Is a delusion  
A delusion that I cannot  
Live  
Without.   


***

Year 2007

Chills ran up and down Sakura's back but still she forged ahead bravely. "I've missed you," she repeated, taking another step closer to Syaoran. "I've never stopped thinking about you once these four years. Every night I go to sleep, you were there beside me. There were always some peonies in the house because they reminded me of you. I went out and bought the aftershave you used just so I could feel closer to you. When I went to Tokyo, all I had with me were my diary, 3 changes of clothes, some money and peonies. And your shirt, the shirt I brought to bed with me every single night when we're apart." 

Syaoran refused to be seduced by her voice, "Why?" he demanded, not looking at her beguiling face. Afraid of what he'll see there, afraid that it would be his downfall if he looked. 

"Why what? Why I love you?" Sakura deliberately gave him the words and had the satisfaction of seeing his façade cracked ever so slightly. "Because you're a successful actor and singer. Because you're tall and you're handsome. Most importantly, because you're rich-"

"Stop it!" he bit out furiously, grabbing Sakura by her upper arms. He hauled her into his arms, his face bare inches from his. "Stop it, do you hear me! This is all fun and games to you isn't it? Trying to make me angry and coming back to Hong Kong and saying things like that to me! What are you playing at? No, I don't want to know. Whatever it is, I'm not interested, Sakura, I'm not interested! Go back to wherever you came from. Go back! You didn't care enough to stay four years ago, you can very well stay away now!"

Syaoran pushed Sakura away from him again and yanked back his hands, turning his back on her. He was breathing heavily after his angry outburst. His tirade surprised and pleased Sakura who had been trying to push him over the edge. Syaoran was over the edge all right; his control had snapped, his wrath overflowing his calm exterior.

Sakura didn't hesitate; she walked right up to Syaoran and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her body against his back. Syaoran didn't have the strength to push her away, but his stance was unyielding. He held himself totally erect, rejecting Sakura's softness and Sakura nearly wept at that. She had done this to him. She had made him into this cautious, cynical man. 

"I care, Syaoran. I care too much for you. I did a lot of things that I'm ashamed of all because I thought it would make you love me. I ran away because the guilt was overwhelming. I betrayed my own cousin because of you. I knew that you were in love with Tomoyo, and that you were supposed to be with her if I hadn't come along. I know that the reason you were attracted to me in the first place was because you saw traces of Tomoyo in me and thought that I could replace her. You thought I could take Tomoyo's place. But the truth was that I can't, Syaoran. I can't be Tomoyo no matter how hard I tried and believe me I tried my best. I was becoming a person with all the characteristics I despised – a lying unscrupulous person, all because I wanted you. If I had remained here with you, you would have come to hate me. I thought that by going away I was being noble, giving you a chance to choose again. But I was wrong. 

"I should have confessed everything to you instead of taking things into my hands and running away. I should have told you what I was feeling and all my insecurities. But I didn't because I was afraid that you'd hate me for all the lies I've given you. I was too selfish and I didn't trust you enough, Syaoran. I robbed us of these four years. If I'd just trusted you, we wouldn't have wasted these four years. I wouldn't have caused you so much pain." 

Syaoran hurriedly pried Sakura's arms away from him and pushed her away from him. "Don't," he said quietly without heat. He looked defeated and confused for a moment before he pulled his armor around him again. Then, the man was in control again. The lost little boy was once again hidden deep inside of Syaoran. "It's too late. You're too late. What do you think you'll achieve by telling me all that?"

Sakura worked hard to suppress the desolation she was feeling. Her body screamed for the warmth only Syaoran could give her and Sakura had to control not to hurl herself at Syaoran. 

"I saw you in concert in Tokyo. You were wonderful," Sakura whispered, her throat closing up. "You looked so beautiful up there. I saw you and I wanted to cry and run to you. I wanted to pushed through the crowds and throw myself at you. I wanted to feel your arms around me again. I wanted to hear you whisper in my ears. I wanted to see you smiling and laughing and having fun. Do you know that you looked so lonely on stage? You looked like you were looking for something but can't quite find it. I wanted to shout to you that I was there watching you, still loving you. But I didn't. I was too scared. Instead I ran away from the concert before it was over." Tears streaked down Sakura's cheeks when she was finished. 

Syaoran's fists were clenched tight, his nails digging into his palms, forming small crescents. He stared at the floor, envisioning how Sakura felt and remembering how vulnerable he was after she felt him. He couldn't allow himself to be that vulnerable again. He couldn't open himself up for this kind of hurt again. He might not survive it again. 

But, Sakura was here again. She was here for him! She wanted him and she was as hurt and lonely as he was. They were both lonely souls in need of healing. And she loved him. She never stopped loving him… 

"You want to know why I love you? I love you because you make me smile, because you are such a stubborn man. Because I know that no one would love me more than you will if you just let yourself. If you let yourself, you'll realize that no one will love you more than I will. You know that, Syaoran, you just have to trust me again. Just like I'm trusting you now." Sakura smiled tremulously at Syaoran. "I'm so sorry Syaoran," Sakura whispered, her tears blurring her vision. "Will you forgive me?"

There were so many reasons why he shouldn't forgive her, but none were more important than the one she listed for him to love her again. 'Because I know that no one would love me more than you will if you just let yourself. If you let yourself, you'll realize that no one will love you more than I will,' she'd said. So what if he had to riske everything again – his heart, his soul, his sanity? If he wins this gamble, he'll have it all. He'll even recoup his losses. 

Looking at Sakura, it wasn't a hard decision at all. Both of them have to learn to trust and they were going to learn it together. 

Syaoran took the two steps that would bring him to her and swept her into his arms. "Don't cry Sakura, please don't cry anymore," Syaoran's voice was hoarse and tears threatened as he buried his lips in her hair, inhaling her scent. "Did you know you drove me crazy when you disappeared four years ago? Never, ever do that to me again, you hear me?" 

Sakura half laughed and half cried, tightening her arms about Syaoran, as if afraid that if she didn't hold on tight enough Syaoran would vanish into thin air. "I promise you that I'll never go anywhere without you again, never!" Sakura vowed, gazing up at Syaoran, tears still following. 

Syaoran lowered his head and gently kissed away the tears. "I'll hold you to that promise, you can count on it," he murmured, seconds before his lips met hers – as surely as their souls met. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Ah! Another attempt at fluff. Boy, am I horrible at it... Well, I hope you all liked this chapter, and keep on commenting. Yes, I know I haven't talked about the future period, so I will next chapter. Stay tuned, ok? 


	24. Making It Up

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, but the plot is all mine.  
  
**Summary**: What if you have a chance to go back to your past and change your life? What if you can live your life differently, make new choices? Will it make a difference? Or will making a different choice still take you down the same route? What if your decision changes the rest of your life and everything is different from what it is supposed to be? What would happen if you make the wrong choice?

  


**Making It Up**

  
Year 2015 

"Get your hands off my wife," Eriol said quietly as he walked into the dressing room. His quiet voice was lethal as he stared stoically at his former best friend. Syaoran had his arm draped casually at the back of Tomoyo's chair; Eriol halted in front of Tomoyo and Syaoran, in his arms laid a dozen roses beautifully wrapped. Tomoyo quickly pushed Syaoran away, not wanting any misunderstanding between her husband and Syaoran. 

"Eriol," she jumped up, determined to stop him from murdering Syaoran, "what are you doing here? I thought that you were in Japan for the promos?" 

Eriol stared at Syaoran, who was lounging back in the chair and staring at the couple in amusement. His eyes never left Syaoran as he replied Tomoyo's question. "The promos ended early, so I came back early. I knew you had filming today so I thought I'll give you a pleasant surprise," he finally looked at her. "But I guess you weren't as pleasantly surprised as I hoped you would be, are you?" 

Tomoyo's heart thudded hard and slow in her chest as she gazed up at her husband. "What are you implying? Of course I'm happy that you're back; why would I not be?" 

"You're still in love with him aren't you?" Eriol finally said, his voice calm as the sea before the storm. His eyes flicked over to Syaoran and he watched as Syaoran sat up straight with a frown creasing his forehead. 

Tomoyo gave a nervous laugh and touched Eriol's arm, "No, of course not. Where on earth did you get that ridiculous idea?" Eriol ignored her denial, "All these years, you never cared for me, and you never stopped loving him. For you, only Syaoran was worthy enough for you. Tell me this, when I'm kissing you, did you imagine that I was him?" Eriol nodded at Syaoran. "Did that make it more tolerable for you?" 

Tomoyo was horrified and sickened at what Eriol was suggesting. They've been married for 4 years and he could still say something like that? Tomoyo pulled back her arm and slapped him – hard. The impact when her palm made contact with his cheek jarred the roses from Eriol's hands and snapped his head to the side. Tomoyo felt the stinging sensation in her hand and realized that for the first time in four years, she was angry. 

It was a good, solid emotion. She wasn't feeling insecure; she wasn't feeling sad or guilty. She wasn't afraid. She was just plain angry. She didn't want to worry about anything; right now, she wanted to scream at Eriol. 

"No, I don't love Syaoran. I've definitely never imagined it was him making love to me, kissing me when we are together. And I do care about you, you idiot! I love you! There, I've said it. I don't care if you ridicule me for loving you, I don't care if you don't love me, but you can't just walk in the door and start accusing me of infidelity when all along my greatest mistake was loving my husband who didn't want me to love him! You have no right at all to be angry with me, no right at all, do you hear me? You don't love me, so why are you so worked up just because Syaoran put his arm around my chair? It doesn't mean anything, just like I don't mean anything to you." 

Tomoyo knew she was screaming at Eriol. She knew she was attracting a good-sized crowd including Syaoran, a few makeup and hair people, production assistants and a few tabloid reporters who were no doubt relishing this scene. Eriol worked hard to contain the smile that threatened to spread across his face. He knew that Tomoyo wouldn't appreciate the smile. She would probably punch his lights out if he dared break into a smile. And he had to admit that he wanted to do more than break into a smile. He wanted to wrap his arms about her waist and kissed her. He wanted to kiss his lovely, infuriated wife until they were both gasping for breath. He wanted to take her to bed and watched the angry glow in her eyes turn into glow of an entirely different nature. 

But employing his immense control, Eriol suppressed the primal urge. "It's only for a while," he comforted himself. Eriol let his eyes meet Syaoran's over Tomoyo's shoulder and Syaoran gave him a wink. Eriol gave him a brief nod and Syaoran stood up nosily. 

Tomoyo turned around, her attention caught by Syaoran. She was still angry and she wanted to have it out with Eriol. She didn't appreciate Syaoran's interruption. 

"Well, I guess I've done my job." Syaoran announced brightly as he checked his watch and grinned, "Seven minutes were all the time she took before she confessed her love. Remember Eriol, you owe me three thousand dollars." He called out to Eriol, who merely nodded. "And you said she'll take days," he chortled. 

"What in the world," Tomoyo interrupted Syaoran's gloating, "are you talking about?" Her lovely eyes were spitting fire at Syaoran and she looked more than ready to commit murder. 

Syaoran stopped laughing, "Well, you see, there is something that I forgot to mention to you. Eriol and I reconciled like half a year ago. We agreed that we're too old to let this cold war go on. Besides, he needed my help in making his stubborn wife admit that she loves him too." 

"Honey," Eriol's voice distracted Tomoyo; she turned to him, her lovely face reflecting her confusion. Eriol bent down to retrieved the roses to hide his unsteady emotion; he needed time to compose himself, to contain his emotions. He picked the roses up and rearranged them slowly before presenting them to Tomoyo. "I think that what Syaoran is trying to say is, I love you too." 

Tomoyo stared at Eriol's out stretched hand and accepted the flowers dumbly. She stared at Eriol, and then dropped her gaze to the wilted flowers.

Eriol waited for her to say something, anything. 

The crowd surrounding them held their breaths, waiting for her response. 

Syaoran edged out the room, with a smile on his face. He knew everything would be fine between Eriol and Tomoyo now. He was going to visit Sakura and tell her the good news. 

Tomoyo finally looked at Eriol again and Eriol saw the tears shimmering in the depths of her Tomoyo's eyes. "Tell me that again, Eriol, I never thought that you'll ever say that to me again." 

With a hoarse groan, Eriol closed his arms around Tomoyo and pulled her into his embrace, crushing the roses between them. "I love you, I love you, I love you. Do you know how long I've wanted to say that? But I was too scared. I was so afraid that if I say it to you at the wrong time, you might run away from me and I'll never see you again, never touch you or hear you," Eriol pulled slightly apart from Tomoyo and gazed heatedly at her upturned face. His voice turned husky when his eyes fell from Tomoyo's face to her mouth. Eriol lowered his lips to her. 

Eriol kissed Tomoyo amidst the crowd and Tomoyo responded with all the love she felt for him. She was home. She was finally home. Trapped in their world, both noticed neither the claps and wolf whistles nor the flashes from the various cameras around the room. 

***

Syaoran removed the wilted bouquet of peonies and placed the fresh bunch of peonies he'd brought gently at Sakura's tombstone. He straightened and took off the sunglasses covering his eyes with a flick of his wrist. With his feet planted firmly apart, his head bowed, Syaoran stared at Sakura's picture at the tombstone for a long while, saying nothing, just looking at her and feeling the all familiar ache raising in his heart. 

He stared at her smiling face until the ache became too painful for him to tolerate, then Syaoran closed his eyes and sat down, his back leaning against the tombstone. He came here at least once a week, when he needed to think, when he missed Sakura so terribly that the pain was almost physical. It never was easy to see her face on the tombstone, because it reminded him of the tangible truth, that Sakura was dead, buried and rotting 6 feet under. That he would never be able to see her happy again, never be able to touch her, never be able to speak to her about his problems and be able to listen to her lecture him, never be able to hear her laugh, never be able to tell her how much he loves her… 

It has been four years, but still, everyday he goes home calling out her name, expecting her to come running to him – only to remember that she is dead. It was weird the way he expected her to be there for him. When she was alive, he took her existence for granted. He never even noticed her underfoot unless she worked the graveyard shift in the hospital. He never realized that she was a regular in his house, even more so than her own sister who was supposed to marry him. He never realized that she kept his house clean and tidy. He never fully appreciated her, not until she wasn't there for him anymore, not until she had abandoned him. 

It's really funny how he could so easily forget about Tomoyo. It's even funnier he never once suspected that he could be in love with Sakura when she was still alive. When it came to being stupid, Syaoran supposed that he ranked right there on top. Syaoran considered it a miracle that Eriol could bury the hatchet and take him back as a friend after Syaoran betrayed his trust and went out with the girl he knew Eriol still loved behind his back. Syaoran could still remember the look of disbelief and hostility on Eriol's face when he confronted him with the news. 

**FlashBack** 

"Tell me this isn't true," Eriol demanded, slapping the newspaper on the table. "Look me in the eye and tell me that this isn't you with your arm around Tomoyo's waist." 

Syaoran knew his time was up. He knew from the moment he begun dating Tomoyo that this was bound to happen sooner or later. Prayers for Eriol not to find out about him and Tomoyo were apparently rejected. Syaoran swallowed hard, not looking at the newspapers and not looking at Eriol. 

"I'm sorry, Eriol," Syaoran said in a low, apologetic voice after a short, tense pause. 

Eriol stared at his guilt-ridden face for a full minute, saying nothing, doing nothing. Out of the corner of Syaoran's eyes, he could see Eriol clenching and unclenching his fists in a bid to control his anger. A vein was ticking at the side of Eriol's temper. Syaoran mentally and physically braced himself for a blow from Eriol. 

But Eriol never did hit him. He simply straightened and walked off without saying another word. From that day onwards, Eriol avoided him and rejected all Syaoran's overtures. When they meet during parties, premieres, or concerts, Eriol looked right through Syaoran and Tomoyo. 

**End FlashBack**

If Syaoran had done things differently, if only he had really seen and recognize what he had all along, none of them would have to suffer. 

"This isn't your fault," he could almost hear Sakura's voice saying that to him. "You didn't want it to turn out like this either. All humans make mistakes and you did more than your share at repairing the damage you've inflicted." Syaoran smiled at his frivolity. 

"Remember Sakura, I told you about what Eriol and I have planned to make your stubborn cousin admit she loves him? It worked just fine. She got really angry with him and blurted out she loves him. You should have seen her; she looked so magnificent facing Eriol off, just like a warrior queen. You would have been proud of her. And Eriol. He glowed like a light bulb when she finally said what he's been waiting for an eternity to hear. 

"Right now, Eriol have probably hauled her halfway home and is kissing her senseless." Syaoran looked at the faded picture and lifted a hand to gently trace Sakura's smiling features with a finger. "You should have been here to see them, they are so happy. They deserved to be happy."

His voice turned pained, "Do you blame me, Sakura? Did you ever blame me for being such a blind idiot? Until the day I was to be married to Tomoyo, I didn't even know that I was making a mistake. Until you died and I found your diary, I didn't even dare to face up to my feelings. I'm such a coward." Syaoran let his hand dropped from the picture and leaned his head against the tombstone, wanting to feel closer to Sakura and knowing that this was the closest he could get. Anguish bubbled just below his unruffled handsome exterior. 

------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Sorry for the lack of updates! Hope you all like this chapter. For some reason, while writing it, I felt happy, yet also sad for the characters. Anyhow, what do you guys think? Review and tell me, alright? 


End file.
